My Conversation With Rick Starkey

Clay: Hey, I have a little problem maybe you can help me with.

Rick: Sure. what's up?

Clay: Well, the other day I walked out on my deck to empty the drain trap from my sink. Gave it a shake and it slipped out of my hands and fell into the herbs at the edge of the garden.

Rick: Yeah?

Clay: So I walk down the stairs and start digging through the green and when I lift up my head I got about ten yellow jackets all buzzing around my face.

Rick: (Grimaces)

Clay: Yeah! One's trying to get me through the shirt and I give a whoop and bail into the house where I smash the little sucker before he can sting me. I go out in a minute and look from a distance and there's a huge paper hive, bigger'n a football under my deck, about a foot in from the edge.

Rick: Jesus.

Clay: Yeah, so I spend the next three days on the Internet researching these evil little German yellow jackets and I find out they are most aggressive this time of year and that they will move out when it gets cold. They don't winter over this far North, but the nest is like, a foot from my Weber so I can't even grill without paranoia.

Rick: No kidding!

Clay: Yeah, and we called an exterminator and he said "a hundred and twenty-five bucks" and I said, "bite me." Nope, I ain't paying' for THAT much for no exterminator.

Rick: (Starting to get the picture)

Clay: So, then I found out that they are all in the hive at night and that's the best time to do deal with 'em. It's best to do it when the temps are below 50 degrees, but that ain't happenin' yet.

Rick: Uh huh ... (raises eyebrow) ... and, uh, that's where I come in, right?

Clay: Well, someone's gotta hold the flashlight. So, I'll hold the flashlight and ...