The Weary Wolf Journal

Dark Sky ...

2012-01-25T00:49:00.002-06:00

Kindling ...

2011-12-22T18:25:00.004-06:00

"A Friend With Benefits"

A review of the Kindle Fire

Preface …

A good while back I started to consider purchasing a “tablet”. Now, with full disclosure in mind, most of my friends know I’m not too keen on Apple, which is a bias I have developed due to my ire for iTunes. I’d guess I’m not the only person in this digital age that can say, “I like my iPod Touch just fine but I loathe iTunes.” The thing about Apple that really bugs me is that iTunes is proprietary. If you want to download and manage content, you have to do it through iTunes, period. And, I simply find iTunes a bloated, annoying nightmare. Having been up front about this, I am admitting that the iPad tablet is the standard by which all others aspire to. I get it, and I concede the point. But, I will not own one because I refuse to be tethered to iTunes, not ever again. (Please, hold back on the vitriolic feedback from those who can’t imagine someone not supporting the great Apple. It’s not a personal attack on you.)

Kindling …

So, moving on, I resolved that all other products were fair game. I looked at, researched, Googled, and generally poured over just about every other tablet, including e-readers, until my head nearly exploded. Back and forth, comparing specs, reading reviews … ugh. Then one day, I just had a moment of impetuousness and ordered a Kindle Fire. Right up until the day before I clicked “Place Order”, I still had no definitive idea what to do. I reckon, in a moment of clarity, I realized the answers to a simple question … “What are you going to use it for most?”

The answers in order were 1) reading books and magazines, 2) streaming video, 3) minimal amounts browsing, email and social networking, and, 4) listening to music.

Full disclosure in mind, part deux: I’m already an Amazon Prime subscriber, an avid online consumer and a big fan of Amazon. Big. My annual $79 Prime membership easily pays for itself in shipping and convenience and, although the content doesn’t match Netflix, Prime does include many thousands of movies and TV shows which can be streamed “for free”. I stream a good deal of content under the umbrella of my Prime membership already, and I love it.

Early on in my research, someone suggested the Kindle Fire but, after looking at it with a full blown tablet in mind, I dismissed it because it was comparatively slim on internal memory (8GB) and wasn’t 3G. (It’s Wi-Fi only.) I quickly said “Meh” … and moved on. But, someone had said in a review that at $199, the Kindle Fire was almost an impulse buy at its low price, and that is certainly true. In fact, an iPad cost substantially more than twice that and so do a lot of other full blown tabs. A tweaked out iPad … three times as much. You can get a decent lap top for that kind of scratch!

My wife has owned a first generation Nook for over a year now and she loves it and reads on it every day. Nice size, and in a nice case, kind of sexy. (Also true for the wife, I might add.) I narrowed it down to wanting a 7” device pretty easily. Although, I really didn’t consider the Nook Color because as a Prime member … well, why would I? Prime has its Kindle benefits, too.

Yes, well, so I pulled the trigger on a Fire, and here’s my blather on the “points of interest”.

Addressing My Own Criteria First …

As An e-Reader – Fabulous. At my age, it’s wonderful to be able to size the font to my own needs. And, although it’s not as “booky” as e-ink (like the display on my wife’s Nook), you do have options of black on white, white on black, or my favorite, brown on tan. With the brightness toned back, it’s very easy on the eyes during long reads. Also unlike her Nook, you can read in portrait or landscape orientation, and of course, it will self-adjust accordingly. It comes loaded with a comprehensive Oxford Dictionary which offers a really wonderful service; see a word you aren’t familiar with and you can long touch the word which will immediately bring up the dictionary entry of it. Now that’s something you can’t do with paper.

Images look rich because the screen is backlit and uses “in plane switching” (IPS) technology, the same technology that my best monitor offers, the one I use for professional photo editing. This means it looks great at almost any angle of view.

Magazines look fabulous, too. The Fire offers a PAGE view and a TEXT view. In page, you see the entire original magazine page, and you can pinch to zoom in, but on a 7” screen, it’s not really very practical. In text, you get to bypass all the ads, still see the images in the articles, and adjust your font to taste. Hit the “like” button for me. That’s a terrific feature.

The Fire is fairly heavy in the hand, heavier than the wife’s Nook, but I just am not bothered by that. I parked it in a RooCASE Dual View Multi-angle Leather Folio Case Cover ($25) which easily allows you to prop the device up in either orientation. It acts equally well as a stand or for lap support and it looks and feels great in addition to being protective.

No buttons to turn pages. You just touch the right or left edge of the screen, or sweep a finger across it in whichever direction you want to go. One friend told me, “Yeah, sorry, I like paper.” That’s fine, and I get it. Old habits die hard. As for me, the thing I most dislike about books is having to hold the damn book open (e.g. … a thick paperback) which, as you get older, becomes more tiring on the evermore arthritic hands. Further, real books certainly do look great on a shelf, where they gather dust, and take up space … a lot of space if you are a real an addict.

As A Personal Streaming Video Player – Fabulous. Wi-Fi required. (Of course, you can store movies on the device, but that’s a little silly. Six or so movies would eat up your onboard storage. But, if you do that, you could view them without Wi-Fi.) The aforementioned IPS technology makes for a beautiful visual experience. The player buffers quickly and streams super smoothly with no glitching, at least on my home Wi-Fi network and everywhere else I’ve used it. The LCD screen is bright enough that I actually like to dial the brightness back substantially (which also extends battery life). One could listen to the little built-in speakers for audio, but in this age of ear buds, I’m not sure why you would unless it was your only choice. The standard 3.5mm stereo audio output will take any headphone with a compatible male jack, or could just as easily be run to your home stereo amplifier and listened to on the “big system” with little more than a trip to Radio Shack (or Amazon) for the right cable / adapters and an available auxiliary input on your home stereo system.

I’ve watched everything from vintage Rocky And Bullwinkle to Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse while sitting comfortably at my desk, in my big leather office chair, audio connected to my head courtesy of Bose headphones, even whilst sipping a wee dram of Irish whiskey … and it all looks great. Needless to say, it interfaces seamlessly with Amazon Prime Instant Video, but YouTube is just as stable.

As A Browser / Email Utility – Great. Wi-Fi required. Amazon Silk, the browser that comes with the Fire is fast and smooth and easy on the eye. I like it very much. As for email, I was able to configure it for my Google Gmail account in about five seconds flat. To be fair, while it’s nice to be able to check your email and respond and have all your contacts on board and all that, I really don’t much care about it. Sometimes I just don’t want to be reached, and while using it as a reader or video player I’d prefer to escape the world and its immediate connectivity. So goes it with Facebook and similar networking, too. Although the app and interface for Facebook on the Fire is quite nice, it isn’t a deal maker for me. I already have a 3G phone that does all that. (I pay a minimum fee of $30 a month for 5GB of “data” access on my Droid, and use about a tenth of a gig, which tells you how much I want to be browsing and emailing when I’m not in my office or my home workstation.)

As A Music Player – Great. Wi-Fi not required to access files on the device, but is required to use Pandora or similar cloud based services. You can listen to music while reading if you so choose. Again, the built-in speakers are adequate, but don’t expect mind-blowing bass response. In fact, except for the lack of substantial volume, (it is, after all, a “personal space” device) it sounds every bit as good or better than the first CD boombox I ever heard, which was a hell of a step up from a cassette tape boombox. Anyone remember those? Of course, headphones, earbuds, or output to an external stereo system would be a preferable audio experience.

More To Consider …

Charging - You can use the device normally while charging with the supplied AC charger, but not while connected to a computer via USB where is it being recognized as a storage device, even though it is charging while connected there. I really appreciate being able to use it while charging; both places where I read most often, my desk and my recliner, are AC outlet friendly. Incidentally, it does NOT ship with a USB 2.0 / micro B connector cable, but if you have a smart phone, you probably already have one.

Internal Memory – Yes, 8 gigs (under 7 after the space the OS hogs) is small by today’s standards. Amazon is banking on the cloud, and giving away 5GB of cloud storage right out of the gate. Additional space is dirt cheap if you need more. The Fire offers two side by side, on- screen buttons: CLOUD and DEVICE. You can choose content from either when in wireless range. You can easily manage your content, swapping stuff to and fro using your Amazon account (It’s the Manage Your Kindle link). But, this is NOT iTunes, baby. You can also manage and back up content by plugging your Fire into your computer via USB and dragging and dropping into and out of folders at will. Take that, iPad. That was a big one for me.

Yes, I know … we’ve become digital collectors. More is gooder. Our devices have become our digital junk rooms. Some of you have 240 GB of space on your music players and feel compelled to carry 20,000 mp3 files around with you everywhere you go. Book addicts, I ask you, are you going to have to carry 10,000 books on your device? I mean, after you’ve totally enjoyed Cold Mountain, do you really need to carry it with you as if at any moment you might need to suddenly reread it on impulse? In my own case, I lean more toward non-fiction which includes a good deal of “how to” content, some of it reference material. Even at that, I couldn’t imagine myself needing to carry thousands of books with me. Realistically, even on a long vacation where Wi-Fi wasn’t available, I think 6+GB of storage would provide all the space I would need to read and enjoy some music. All I would have to do would be to prepare for the trip by managing the content I intended to take along.

Whispernet - The Kindle Fire uses Whispernet to sync all your compatible devices.

[sic] … “Whispernet is accessible without any monthly fee or wireless subscription, although fees can be incurred for the delivery of periodicals and other content when roaming internationally beyond the customer's home country. Through a service called "Whispersync," customers can synchronize reading progress, bookmarks and other information across Kindle hardware devices and other mobile devices.” -- Wikipedia

What’s that mean? Well, even if you don’t have a Kindle, Amazon has developed software for a broad variety of platforms including Windows, Mac, iOS, Blackberry, Android and so on. For instance, I had Kindle For PC on my home computer, even before ordering my Fire, for reading a few free books. Whispersync sees to it that when I quit reading on one device I will be able to open and continue reading at the same spot on any other device. Pretty smooth.

Common Complaints – Having read through a great many reviews and message boards about the Kindle Fire before (and moreso after) I purchased one, I saw a some recurring beefs from consumers, both Kindle Owners and non-owners in the Anti-Kindle camp. My thoughts and observations:

Clunky Interface … Some complain that the interface itself is sort of awkward and “clunky”. The main carousel stores your recently accessed content using large icons in the chronological order you accessed them. (You sweep through the icons the same way you sweep through your albums on an iPod Touch or iPhone.) Customer feedback has been serious enough about the lack of customization that at the time of this writing, Amazon has already announced that in a few weeks a seamless, wireless upgrade via Whispernet will be uploaded to everyone’s Fire. Most of you, if buying a Fire in the future, will never know the original issue existed, if it was a problem at all. Also, this announcement from Amazon is good news to me, as I know that they will continue to make improvements to the OS and interface and upload upgrades automatically. It will just keep getting’ better.

Not Responsive Enough … This is, in my opinion, quite true. There are moments when you tap and nothing happens, and you must tap again, and again. The device seems “selectively problematic”. I find no troubles while reading books, scrolling page to next page. The carousel can be troublesome, sometimes reluctant to lock onto an icon. Double tapping is often ineffective, requiring subsequent taps and faster or slower intervals, or harder pressure to be effective. I have considered the possibility that I just have to get used to the feel of it, but it’s been a while now, and I’m still noticing the problem.

My most frustrating moments come with “graphic novels”. The Fire is touted as offering an amazing experience with comics, and comes with an app for reading them. There are many fine comics available, including free content … and so, as a fellow who was once a kid who loved comics, I downloaded a half dozen or so free titles. Once I got the feel for navigating … (double tapping the first frame of a page zooms in and then sweeping left advances you to the next frame, a wonderful concept in theory) the experience began to improve. However, the double tapping at the beginning of each page was simply terrible with regard to sensitivity, just awful. That kind of frustration simply kills one’s immersion in the story and swaps it out for higher blood pressure.

I’m not sure whether this is an app issue, an OS issue or a hardware issue. All I know is it’s probably my one serious complaint about the device. Again, the previously stated, newest upgrade is said to include an improved responsiveness. I sincerely hope that is true.

Smallish Keyboard … I’m inclined to agree; I’d like to see the pop-up, on-screen keyboard have larger keys. It still feels cramped to me, and on a 7” screen, I can’t imagine a reason not to utilize the majority of the space.

Wi-Fi Only … Just speaking for myself, I don’t need 3G or 4G to read books. I have a Droid phone for all the other stuff. In my case, why spend extra money for that?

Too Few Apps … While it’s true that there are not yet a huge number of apps for the Fire, I’m not too concerned about it. I found a free note pad utility and some other small things that seemed useful, and I’m not a gamer at all. There is a toggle in SETTINGS to allow installation of apps from unknown sources, but I haven’t been too eager to fill the device with stuff I probably won’t use anyway.

No Camera or Microphone … I have a Droid phone for that. And, at $199, I don’t think you can whine too awful much.

No USB 2.0/3.0, HDMI, or Other Outputs … All true. And, at $199, I don’t think you can whine too awful much.

All That “Amazon Stuff” … I showed my new Fire to a friend while in the company of a young, computer techie stranger, and I mentioned it was not a full blown tablet. The young fellow rolled his eyes in disgust and made it clear that, in his expert opinion, it was a completely inferior device and waste of money, that it was a joke compared to iPad, and that you are forced into “all that Amazon stuff”. Hmmm, how curious. I explained to him that I loved Amazon, was a Prime member who found it a tremendous value, that I didn’t expect it to be a fully functional tablet, didn’t need 3G, and that it was exactly what I was looking for. Then, I reminded him that he was perfectly OK with being tethered to the proprietary behemoth known as iTunes, so what was the problem? (The answer is … he suffers from IT’S-NOT-AN-iPAD-SO-IT’S-CRAP syndrome.)

Too Little Memory … I’ll have to admit, I’d have liked to see a 16 GB device for a little more, but as I stated early in the review, I came to terms with it. Amazon was adamant about keeping the price under $200, and with that came sacrifices. Fair enough. I’m over it. One observant Kindle advocate on a message board addressed the memory complaint of another poster as follows: “If you really must have more memory, you can buy two of them and still spend less than an iPad costs.” Indeed.

Poor Battery Life … This issue is the subject of much Internet fodder. So, some reality checking is in order. It’s a backlit screen, and a small device, which means it contains a relatively small battery. One cannot expect the kind of battery life one gets with an e-ink reader. Remember that with Wi-Fi on, the device is constantly searching for a network, sucking juice. Remember that the brighter the screen, the more battery it eats. The first day, on the first charge, with Wi-Fi continuously on and the screen dialed up, I got just a few hours of charge. (After a few charges, the battery breaks in and improves.) And now, I am getting exactly what Amazon claims, about eight hours, give or take. Guess what I do? Yep, keep the Wi-Fi off if I don’t need it and dial the brightness back considerably … actually, I prefer it dialed back; I think it reduces eye strain. By the way, on a full charge, I can easily watch five to six hours of streaming video, for whatever that’s worth.

Poor Substitute For An iPad … Apples and oranges are both fruits, but you can’t substitute one for the other. Duh, it’s not a full blown tablet. It’s an e-reader with extras. It’s a hundred and ninety-nine bucks, for cripe’s sake.

The Down Side …

Did you think I couldn’t find at least a few things that bug me?

Smudges … Like my Droid, the screen is glass and it does take fingerprint smudges to the next level. I’m over it. I just pack a little microfiber cloth and when it bugs me, I wipe it clean.

PDFs … I was hopeful with regards to PDF format because I have a few eBooks that are in that format, as well as a good many User Guides / Owners Manuals for everything from high end cameras to electronic appliances. This is where a 10” screen would be a benefit. Pinch zooming and dragging the document around is a pain in the … oops. Then again, I should have expected such … it’s a 7” screen. My bad.

The Price …

It’s a hundred and ninety-nine bucks, for cripe’s sake!! Keep that in mind, please.

In conclusion …

I think it best to consider the Kindle Fire an e-reader “friend with benefits”. I’m not the first to say or admit it will never be an iPad killer. Please refer back to the “apples and oranges” section when addressing that concept. Oh, and did I mention … I love it.

Scratching Another Item Off The Bucket List

2011-10-31T21:20:00.004-05:00

This old Chevy has been calling my name for a long time. I have always envisioned a photograph of it. And this ... this is exactly the photo I envisioned.

Chicken Chili ... Fall Comfort Food

2011-10-30T11:15:00.001-05:00

Geek Speak: Turning Your Food Photos Into Home Grown Food Porn

2011-10-17T21:27:00.006-05:00

I recently penned an article for an online group of food and cooking enthusiasts. I had just joined the group and started posting a few photos. A discussion came up about food photos and I asked if members might find some tips of any value. What follows is the article in full ...

Geek Speak:

Turning Your Food Photos Into Home Grown Food Porn

by Clay Riness

Owner, Clay Riness Photography.

OK … full disclosure. I’m a complete geek. I’m a guitar geek; I’m a dog geek: I’m a cooking geek; I’m a photography geek. So, after a brief discussion with group guru Belinda Sauer about whether group members might appreciate some basic tips on food photography, here I am in all my embarrassing geekness. Be gentle with me. My intentions are honorable.

Question: Ever make the most succulent, mouth-watering dish and then snap a picture for posterity only to find that the photo doesn’t look quite as succulent and mouth-watering as the real thing?

“I mean … so, I made this organic lobster-stuffed Peruvian gopher with braised celeriac root balls and mint-anchovy sherbet and it’s killer beautiful and it’s gonna knock my girlfriend’s socks off, but this photo? Grrrr!”

Are you one of the many frustrated by this phenom?

Yeah, sure, and we all know, professional food photography is an art unto itself. It’s probable that our home photos of our beloved dishes aren’t ever going to look quite like the cover of Gourmet Magazine. Thankfully, that’s neither the point, nor what most normal foodies like us are trying to achieve when they snap a picture to share with friends online. And, you know what? There’s absolutely nothing wrong at all with simply snapping and uploading. A lot of folks would rather be cooking, or eating, instead of spending extra time to shoot or polish up some photo! However, if you do want to spend just a little effort planning ahead, it’s pretty easy to improve the photos you make with your trusty point and shoot, or even your camera phone. (Camera phones are really getting to be great these days. Some even feature 8 megapixels!)

As a freelance photographer, a part of my job is that I get to make some images of great food, and most of the time, for better or worse, I usually get to taste what I shoot after it’s all said and done. (Maybe that’s why I’m getting thick in the middle along with the thin on top part.) Of course, when I am doing a shoot for a restaurant or a commercial account, I pull out all the stops … professional cameras and lighting gear, reflector panels, sexy tripods, black clothing, blah, blah, blah. That’s what they’re hiring me to do, after all. Nonetheless, a good many things I do in the actual image making process are things that you can actually do right at home, and they’re not complicated nor overly time consuming. Trust me when I say, I’m just like everyone else. I love to cook and when something comes out of my kitchen that seems amazing to me, I want to make a picture and share it with my friends online!

So, before we really get started, just a quick word about contemporary food photography. If you compare your grandma’s cookbooks to today’s staggering selection of colorful resources, you will notice how trends have changed since the dawn of Barnes & Noble, Amazon “dot com”, sundry resourceful web sites and the beloved Food Network. These days cookbooks are almost as much picture books as recipe books. Sizzle sells. In your grandma’s day, presenting food in photos was a much more formal affair, usually including lavish place settings, and often shot from well (sometimes directly) above the food. Today, food photography is edgier, more colorful, often using less or even no props, and quite frequently shot very close up. Many food photographers hire or work with specialized food stylists who make sure the food is fresh looking, glistening or appearing steaming hot, or ice cold if need be. And boy, do they ever use some clever tricks to make the food look the best it can be! (However, these techniques often render the food inedible. How utterly unacceptable by my waistline standards!) We aren’t going to worry about such specialized detail. We’re just going to look into how we can adapt a few simple techniques, apply them for use with our basic home cameras and make images of our culinary milestones that we can excite others with! And … so it begins … I just pressed my geek button on “high”.

Assess your angles

Angles (of view) and artistic composition are sort of intertwined. (For a quick overview and tips on general composition, feel free to do a Google search on the “rule of thirds” and the “golden mean” and discover what the Net has to offer.) Suffice to say that contemporary food photos are not often shot from above the food. And yet, it’s such a natural instinct … stand above the dish and shoot down on it! This approach can be effective, but unless lit properly this angle tends to make an image that is very flat looking and one dimensional. These days, photographers tend to get down closer to the food’s level. This helps the shot look less like a behind-the-counter Chinese restaurant menu and more like a modern magazine or TV ad … or, something from a colorful cookbook page. It adds more dimension. Try it. Kneel down and shoot it right at lasagna level. Also, if you have noticeable lines in the shot, such as the edges in a square pan, consider shooting the shot with the lines running more diagonally, roughly from lower corner (e.g. lower left) to opposite upper corner (e.g upper right) in the frame instead of squaring the pan up in the frame. You can use lines to lead the eye somewhere in the shot, which can often make for a more interesting image.

Get up close and personal

It can’t be stressed it enough. Fill the frame with your subject. Get on in there. Show us that culinary masterpiece in detail! One problem with many basic cameras … getting too close can mean going out of focus. So, there are two possible solutions. First, back off a few (or more) steps and use the camera’s zoom to fill the frame with your sexy Swedish meatballs, or, see if using the macro setting will get you what you are hoping for. In both cases, you will want to have a strategy for keeping the camera steady. (That’s coming up later.) You can also crop a photo tighter later on in “post processing”. (Also coming up later.)

Nix the flash and bring on the fill

This is a big one. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is less flattering than a convenient built-in, pop up flash mounted directly above the lens of the camera. I know … it’s there for a reason, convenience. And, it can come in handy for some jobs, but that little light is problematic in more than one way. First, by nature it tends to leave the subject looking flat and without depth, sometimes even washed out. Second, it tends to be a very high contrast light source, which means, among other things, it can cast harsh shadows on backgrounds. If you take some time to look at food shots in magazines and on web sites like the Food Network’s you’ll note that one thing almost ALL of these shots have in common is very soft, even and diffused light. You never see shadows. OK … so how can we do that at home?

First off, cancel the auto flash on your camera and begin shooting by natural light. (For now, just set your “color balance” setting to auto.) But, that tip alone won’t take care of all the resources you’ll need. Continue by finding a nice soft light source, like a window through which direct sunshine is NOT shining. (For instance, a north facing picture window.) Set your delicious dish on something very close to, or in that light. Now, all you have to do is fill some light in on the side of the dish NOT facing the window. (I just heard you mumble, “huh?”)

Don’t worry … it’s not so hard. We’re simply trying to even out the light to illuminate (or bathe, if you will) the entire subject, both sides, with soft, diffused light. All you need is something white. Poster board, foamcore board, a chunk of drywall, an old ceiling panel, Styrofoam packing material from the flat screen TV you just bought … even a white T-shirt on a hanger … anything white and (preferably) reflective will do. Face it toward the light source (the window) and move it in close to the food. Keep your eye on the food. You’ll see the dark side light right up from the reflective light you’ve added. Get it as close as you can without getting it in the actual shot. Then, find a way to keep it there. Have a kid hold it. Prop it against a chair. Hang it off the treadmill … whatever. Congratulations, you’ve just learned one of the fundamental tricks of the professional photographer’s arsenal. Fill light … or, reflected fill light, in this case.

“Professional” (circular / fold up) reflectors range from $20 to $50, the latter of which includes white, silver, gold and black surfaces, as well as a main frame which is features thin material that is translucent and can be used as a light “modifier” (in other words, you can pass a light source through it to diffuse and soften it). But, as I said, anything big enough and white will do for starters. Remember, we’re foodies, not geeky photographers. Well … I, ugh …

Another great tip here, for anyone who is willing to be as truly geeky as me, is that you can actually buy daylight balanced light bulbs, and they’re cheap! This has to do with the actual COLOR of the light, or something called its “color temperature”. (For instance … late day sunlight is kind of orange while an overcast mid-day light is somewhat blue, etc.) Simply visit your local Home Depot and look for CFL bulbs that are labeled “daylight” and rated for 5500 to 6500 Kelvins. (Sorry for the technical jargon. Your Home Depot guy or gal will know what you mean.) Screw a bulb or two into a few old portable lamp fixtures and move light in toward the dark side of the food until you see that the subject is filled in adequately. (Don’t make the fill brighter than the main light source.) These bulbs should be a close enough color match to the natural window light that is your main source. If the light from your bulb too harsh, you can “modify” the light by hanging a thin shower curtain liner in front of it to diffuse it. (Now you’re getting really geeky!)

Of course, if you have a couple of lights and a couple of reflectors and a couple of light modifiers, you don’t even need a window! By now, you should have a rough idea of how to experiment with these tools (if you’re of the mind to, that is) and try and make an evenly lit image. My best reminder here is to really watch your subject closely as you move the light around. Learning to see the light changes is how you learn to paint with light. And, by the way, these techniques also work beautifully for portraits. It isn’t just a foodie thing. But then, all of this talk leads us to our next equally important tip, which goes hand in hand …

Steady the camera

When the subject is not moving, as is the case with your most recent food porn masterpiece, it is essential to get a sharp image. In the photography world, a blurry shot of any still subject is widely held as unacceptable. As mentioned earlier, it is possible to get too close to the subject and experience a blurry result, but often in natural light shooting, it’s caused by camera shake or slight movement.

As I stated once in a blog post: “Let’s consider, for instance, a pocket-sized point and shoot, no bigger than a cell phone. Such cameras typically have no optical viewfinder, so you can’t “brace” the camera against your brow and triangulate your arms to stabilize the shot. Instead, such cameras have an LCD screen on the back, which requires that you hold the camera out from your body to frame the shot … (and if you’re old like me your arms are hardly long enough, even with glasses). This is problematic because there you are, floating the camera around in front of you, and worse, when you punch down the shutter, the camera tends to yaw to the right slightly. If you are in lower light (such as natural indoor light) or shooting at a slower shutter speed, more often than not, your image will not be sharp. The nature of how you shot it will introduce camera shake.” Cell phones fall into the same curse.

What’s the solution? Of course, stabilizing the camera is the first order of business. On almost all cameras, even the smallest ones, you will find a universal female thread on the bottom which will fit just about any commercially made tripod, monopod, Gorilla Pod, or pocket-sized table top tripod. For smallish cameras, you don’t need heavy duty gear. Wal-mart offers any of these products (except perhaps the Gorilla Pod) including a Targus telescopic monopod for fifteen bucks that is instantly adjustable for height and virtually invaluable for such jobs. Think of it as a telescopic walking stick with a male thread for your camera. Lightweight and versatile, you’ll see an instant improvement with your natural light photos once you start using one. Just mount your point and shoot, set the foot on the floor, adjust the height to your desired level, hold it still or brace it, focus and recompose if desired, and squeeze gently. (That’s our next tip.)

Lacking any kind of geeky gear to help you steady the camera, be resourceful. Place your elbows on the counter, bring in a chair to lean against, or lean against a wall and tuck your elbows in. Do whatever you can think of to get the camera as still as possible. I guarantee … just about anything is better than holding the camera out from your body and squeezing the button.

By the way, check and see if your camera has “image stabilization” and “motion detection”. Try turning them both on and see if that makes a difference.

Bead and squeeze

I have a little ritual that helps me during seer season. When I was young I used to get too excited, shoulder the rifle while failing to pay attention to the sights, and shoot! I missed a lot of deer by not taking my time. One year I made myself a promise that as soon as I saw a deer I would start whispering to myself, “bead and squeeze … bead and squeeze…”, a reminder to align the sights, exhale and then pull the trigger gently so my shot would have a chance to fly true to the target. I started enjoying venison that year, and to this day, I still subscribe to the ritual.

So, aside from the quaint and possibly annoying little personal story, can you see where I’m going with this? Yep, you’ll increase your odds of a sharp image by slowly, gently pressing the shutter button. And, if you’re in really low light, you can even go as far as mounting the camera on a static source such as a tripod or table top tripod (a.k.a. a “pocket pod”) and use the self-timer setting on the camera. If the camera is sitting completely still … and the fresh baba ganoush is sitting still … and you set the camera for hands off picture taking, I don’t care how slow the shutter speed and low the light is, your shot will be sharp!

Cell phones do not have a female thread for a pod, so again, you’ll have to be resourceful in devising methods to get the device to sit nice and still. Good doggie.

Vary the exposure

Photographers have a fancy term for taking different exposures of the same shot. It’s called “bracketing”. The idea is that even though the camera assumes settings are optimal for the right exposure, to be safe, you take a couple of underexposed shots and a couple of overexposed shots, too. Somewhere in there, you should have the right exposure. Your camera (and possibly even your cell phone) will offer something called “exposure compensation” or “exposure control”. Check your user guide. Usually it’s super easy to use. Press the little button, up comes a plus/minus diagram or interface, and you simply use your command dial to adjust the exposure by a click at a time (usually a click being 1/3 of a stop … for those of us snoots who like to throw geek terms around.) On most cameras you’ll actually see the LCD screen get lighter or darker as you adjust.

And hey, it’s digital! You have instant visual feedback and no wasted expense for film and prints. Bracket away and keep the best shot!

Post edit

And finally, this is where we get geekiest of all. I promise you, every single food photo you see in a magazine, cookbook or food related web site is post processed and enhanced to (in theory) be the best it can be. I may spend as much as two hours editing on a single professional shot for a commercial client. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you commit to that at all. What I am saying is … if you want to optimize your images, you’ll need to run them through some sort of image editing program. It’s part of the digital equation in today’s world. You used to have to either process your photos in a darkroom using chemicals, film and light sensitive paper (oh, the nostalgic smell of it all), or like most people, you sent your film off to have it processed into developed film and prints. In the digital age, your darkroom is a computer program.

Take heart. Before you hyperventilate into a cold panic thinking you’ll need to master Adobe Photoshop, let me set your mind at ease a bit. You don’t have to know much to see an improvement in your images. There are plenty of little (and even free) utilities that include image editing tools, and most of them offer simple options like “auto correct”. You can simply click that option and if you don’t like the results, click “undo”. Using programs like this you can crop your photos tighter, reduce their size for faster uploading, sharpen edges slightly, and adjust brightness and contrast, and more.

If you happen to own Microsoft Office, as many do, there’s a wonderful little program called Microsoft Office Picture Manager included. (You can configure your system to use this program or any other image editor as the default to open your image files.) It’s a very simple and very useful program.

If you want to take a look at a more powerful image editor, try Photoscape, which is a free program, and probably best (and most safely) downloaded from cnet.com. You can find this download here:

http://download.cnet.com/PhotoScape/3000-2192_4-10703122.html?part=dl-6295843&subj=dl&tag=button

You’ll find plenty of Youtube videos about using Photoscape, too.

An even MORE powerful (and free) editing program, for those who want to get really geeky, is an open end user program called GIMP. It’s super powerful, and with that comes a little more confusion. There’s a much steeper learning curve with GIMP. It may be steep enough for some to say, “Meh, that’s really more than I want … or need.” However, it’s great, and it is free. You can download it here:

http://download.cnet.com/GIMP/3000-2192_4-10073935.html

Adobe Photoshop Elements versions 9 (and now 10) are full featured, consumer targeted programs which are just amazing, even though they are scaled down from the bigger, professional versions of Photoshop. Elements costs under a hundred bucks. To geeks like me, that’s a true bargain.

Whichever program you might decide to learn and use, editing time on that image of your average pride-and-joy-fresh-off-the-grill masterpiece should take no more than a minute or two. Open it up, crop to taste, auto correct, sharpen (often using something called “unsharp mask”), resize for web, and SAVE AS. (Oh yes, remember to always do a SAVE AS and create a new version. As a general rule, photographers always work on copies of their files, so that any editing is non-destructive of the original.) And finally … upload!

So, my friends, there it is. This geek has spoken, and it’s the geek’s hope that you’ll find these tips useful and hopefully, even fun. You never know, you may end up as geeky as me, on a quest to try and make your food images as sexy as your culinary triumphs. Good luck, fellow foodies!

Puddle Play ...

2011-10-08T09:23:00.001-05:00

Amish Influence, And Then Some

2011-10-07T10:59:00.009-05:00

Yeah, well, I don't pretend to understand Amish culture, but I do know that they serve up some great recipes (especially baked goods) ...

I love pickled foods. The Amish combine two of my favorite things into one pickled jar of joy, boiled eggs and beets, and then throw in lots of onions to boot. The recipe is based on a standard vinegar, water, salt, sugar brine with a few cloves. It makes for a beautiful batch of good eats. And, except for peeling all those eggs, it's quite easy to make. As usual, I find such tasks in the kitchen a form of catharsis.

The brussel sprouts, on the other hand, while also quite delicious, are fermented like sauerkraut in a simple salt brine for about one to two weeks after precooking to somewhat soften them. Note there is no lid on the jar, just a paper towel to keep out the dust while allowing the mixture to breathe as it ferments. I've added a few halved Thai chilies for some additional zing.

Fall ...

2011-10-06T09:34:00.002-05:00

Spent Clematis

Shut It

2011-10-05T15:22:00.002-05:00

And ... when Herman Cain is president and Sam Jackson and Morgan Freeman oppose him, do we get to call THEM racist? Shut it, knuckleheads. Stop playing the race card. It's not, nor has it ever been about color, except to you. It's about policy.

My Conversation With Rick Starkey

2011-08-18T13:49:00.004-05:00

Clay: Hey, I have a little problem maybe you can help me with.

Rick: Sure. what's up?

Clay: Well, the other day I walked out on my deck to empty the drain trap from my sink. Gave it a shake and it slipped out of my hands and fell into the herbs at the edge of the garden.

Rick: Yeah?

Clay: So I walk down the stairs and start digging through the green and when I lift up my head I got about ten yellow jackets all buzzing around my face.

Rick: (Grimaces)

Clay: Yeah! One's trying to get me through the shirt and I give a whoop and bail into the house where I smash the little sucker before he can sting me. I go out in a minute and look from a distance and there's a huge paper hive, bigger'n a football under my deck, about a foot in from the edge.

Rick: Jesus.

Clay: Yeah, so I spend the next three days on the Internet researching these evil little German yellow jackets and I find out they are most aggressive this time of year and that they will move out when it gets cold. They don't winter over this far North, but the nest is like, a foot from my Weber so I can't even grill without paranoia.

Rick: No kidding!

Clay: Yeah, and we called an exterminator and he said "a hundred and twenty-five bucks" and I said, "bite me." Nope, I ain't paying' for THAT much for no exterminator.

Rick: (Starting to get the picture)

Clay: So, then I found out that they are all in the hive at night and that's the best time to do deal with 'em. It's best to do it when the temps are below 50 degrees, but that ain't happenin' yet.

Rick: Uh huh ... (raises eyebrow) ... and, uh, that's where I come in, right?

Clay: Well, someone's gotta hold the flashlight. So, I'll hold the flashlight and ...

A New Look At Flowers

2011-07-09T08:58:00.005-05:00

It's nearly impossible for a photographer not to shoot flowers. They are so plentiful, varied and often, stunning, that we are drawn to them like moths to a flame. If there's a problem with that, it's that so many people have captured so many flowers from so many seasons and perspectives, it's hard to find a way to present them in a different way.

Welcome to my newest perspective ...

SWEET Relief From The Onslaught of Gnats

2011-06-06T11:13:00.006-05:00

I note that the summer is beginning to shape up as a bad one in the gnat department. You go out in the garden and are swarmed about the head with gnats, as you swat and swipe and spit air at them to try and chase them away. It doesn't work. They are relentless, and this is what we define as pestilence in some sense of the word.

I'm going to make your life easier on the cheap. One remedy, or rather, treatment ... which I discovered from a seasoned farmer's wife years ago (during a similar fishing season cursed with the little, annoying wankers) was something ubiquitous that you would never expect: vanilla extract. Better yet, I found that imitation vanilla extract works just as well.

When I was a trout fishing guide and the battle with gnats was a daily grind, this little tip changed the paradigm, and rescued me over and over and over, along with countless clients on the stream. It's simple ... just rub the extract all over your face and neck and "POOF" ... gone. Literally, they disappear, leaving you with no chemical residue and best of all, smelling like a cookie. Now, this doesn't last all day and in fact, you do have to reapply often, but I tell you, it works wonderfully.

To make things easier, I used to keep a large bottle of imitation extract in the car but carry some in a small, re-purposed Afrin nasal spray bottle in my fishing vest, and just replenish that dispenser when needed.

This morning, in the near ninety degree, humid sun, I schlepped some along on the morning dog adventure and dosed myself before the hike. Not a single gnat came anywhere near my face. Oh yeah ... thank you, seasoned farmer's wife. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday:

"Hot one today..."
"Yep."
"Boy! These gnats this year! Terrible!"
"Don'tcha know how to fix that?"
"???"
"Oh, fer cripes sake! A big fisherman like you? VANILLA EXTRACT! Whatdaya livin' in the Dark Ages?"

Not any more.

Favorite Things: The Magic Stick

2011-05-29T14:04:00.010-05:00

I can teach you how to improve your pictures with one simple piece of advice. Get a monopod and use it. A monopod is one of my very favorite things. These days, a good many expensive lenses are equipped with VR, or “vibration reduction” and/or “image stabilization”. But, you can add VR to any lowly, non-equipped lens or camera by simply learning to shoot off of a monopod!

I figured this knowledge was a given, until recently when an aspiring shutterbug with a new camera asked me how to get sharper pictures. I advised she get a monopod and she said, “I don’t know what that is.”

Well, think of it as a telescopic hiking staff with a male thread on the top that you can secure your camera onto. A monopod doesn’t quite go as far as a tripod in the job description department, but it is multi-functional, and very helpful when shooting in lower light, at slower shutter speeds, with longer (telephoto) lenses, and macro (close up) lenses. Folks may think that something like a monopod is for more professional shooting, but interestingly, the opposite is possibly true. Since full featured DSLR cameras have more options to improve success, point and shoots are a perfect candidate for some extra help.

Let’s consider, for instance, a pocket-sized point and shoot, no bigger than a cell phone. Such cameras typically have no optical viewfinder, so you can’t “brace” the camera against your brow and triangulate your arms to stabilize the shot. Instead, such cameras have an LCD screen on the back, which requires that you hold the camera out from your body to frame the shot … (and if you’re old like me your arms are hardly long enough, even with glasses). This is problematic because there you are, floating the camera around in front of you, and worse, when you punch down the shutter, the camera tends to yaw to the right slightly. If you are in lower light or at a slower shutter speed, more often than not, your image will not be sharp. The nature of how you shot it will introduce camera shake.

However, mount that camera on a monopod and take the same shot and you should see a dramatic improvement. (Of course, you must strive to keep the camera as still as possible throughout the shooting; you want to always squeeze the shutter gently and keep the rig still. And, if your subject matter is moving, you will still get a blurry subject.)

A monopod is always part of my gear. I have a couple of them, and for each one I've also added an appropriate ball head. Of course, if you screw the monopod directly into the bottom female thread of your camera (see image above right), your camera will always be in a landscape composition when the monopod’s foot is on the ground. A ball head allows you to rotate the camera to vertical position.

The greatest news is that for those of you who are point and shoot users with small or light weight cameras, all you really need is a basic, inexpensive monopod. Targas offers such a rig available at your local Wal-mart for $15 to $20. To top it off, Giottos (a favorite company of mine) makes a Professional Mini Ball Head Camera Mount (Giottos MH1004) of very high quality for $12.99 … free shipping from a variety of vendors on Amazon. For little hikes with the dogs when I’m carrying a pocket camera or my P90, this is all the stick I need in the field or indoors under lower light.

Usually, I carry my Nikon DSLR with an 18-200 lens, and it’s heavy. (Below left: with a 70-300 zoom lens, SB-600 speed light and Gary Fong Diffuser ... five pounds of camera!) My feather weight Targas monopod and tiny ball head are not enough to handle such weight, and so, I use a much heavier duty monopod (Giottos MM9780) with a beefier ball head (Giottos MH1002). I dearly love this combination.

This telescopic 5 section pod acts as a really wonderful hiking staff (while carrying the camera separately, of course) and is always at the ready to come to the aid of my image capturing, whether sitting low to the ground or at a full stand. The ball head has enough of a tightening knob that you can really torque it down, and it will hold the weight of a full DSLR (with most lenses) in place securely. I don’t mean to be redundant, but I have to state again: I don’t just use it outdoors. It’s essential gear for me when shooting indoors, too. Especially concert and theatrical events, but for general candid work as well.

One final thought, a good monopod is also worth its weight in gold for video shooting, and because you are always in landscape position, you don’t need the ball head! Of course, most digital still cameras also offer video these days, but virtually all dedicated video cameras, even pocket sized models like the Flip, are threaded for a tripod / monopod. My recommendation, not surprisingly, is to get a good one and make it part of your shooting regimen whenever possible. You’ll be taking better pictures in a flash. No pun intended.

A Thought On Image

2011-05-29T09:41:00.002-05:00

More and more, I am becoming convinced that the mark of a good photographer is knowing what not to publish.

In The Field: Faces Of Syttende Mai

2011-05-25T09:15:00.002-05:00

I recently schlepped my gear up the road to the the little town of Westby for the annual Syttende Mai parade. Big stuff. Here's a slide show of the best of the day. Enjoy.

Becoming A Photographer-In-Residence

2011-05-20T15:24:00.011-05:00

I have a long, personal attachment to the Regional Center For The Arts in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. It's a building that was formerly the city's pump house, and that was an awful long time before I ever set foot in the door.

My relationship began in the early 1980's when I walked in the door and sat down with the executive director and proudly announced that I would like to use the basement as a space to teach private guitar lessons, and that I would donate a portion of each lesson back to the Pump House as my rent. No one had ever thought of it before and the idea was quickly welcomed.

Over the decades, I've performed many concerts there, the most recent being the "Me And My Old Man" concert at which my father's exhibit of oil paintings opened the same day. That performance was recorded for broadcast by Wisconsin Public Radio, and I hired an independent production company to film the event (using four cameras) so that a documentary could be made about it. The film is still being edited at this time.

There have been many directors, staff changes and terrific upgrades to the building since those early days. It's really something. And, I've always held a special regard for the place. So, imagine how I felt a few weeks back when I dropped by with my camera to make a candid record of a friend's art show and the current director and queen bee (my own term of endearment) told me she sure needed a photographer to capture new images for the Pump House web site.

I piped right up without hesitation and (paraphrasing a made-up comment by the Hollywood Doc Holiday) said, "I'm your huckleberry". What a great way for me to offer something back to the Pump House as well as get my work seen by a lot more people!

Now, in this day and age of funding cutbacks and people debating whether taxpayer monies should be going toward non-essential programs and places and projects ... I can think of no better way to buck the system than to step up and "keep it local". If "the arts" are to take care of themselves, then this is how it is done. I can't afford to pay a photographer to do the work the Pump House needs done, but I can do it myself.

And so, I suddenly find myself the photographer-in-residence at the Pump House Regional Arts Center. I'm going to be shooting art and events as they happen and as I am able. In return, the Pump House has agreed to showcase my photos on their site and leave my signature (watermark) intact on the images they use. In time, I hope to work with them add a photo gallery to their site in which all my facility related past images will be stored and available to browse. Quid Pro Quo ... it works.

They have just added a bio to the site and made the announcement that I have come on board:

Meet Our Photographer-In-Residence:
Clay Riness

"Most people know Clay Riness as a decades-long fixture on the Coulee Region and Midwestern music scene, a serious singer/songwriter who always sells out when performing in our Dayton Theater concert hall. Few, however, realize he is an accomplished and passionate lifelong photographer.

Clay’s history with the Pump House reaches back to the 1980’s when he was a music teacher-in-residence for a number of years. However, during the 1990’s he took a rather lengthy sabbatical from music to develop, market and operate a successful trout guiding service catered to fly fishermen. During that time he also wrote extensively for outdoor magazines, many of which also published his photographs. Although photography was largely a hobby at the time, it served nicely as an add-on to his prolific outdoor writing.

To the relief of many, Clay eventually made his way back to music, but he never put down the camera for long. In 2003, he began the changeover from film to digital with a 5 megapixel Nikon. There was no turning back to conventional photography from there.

He explains, “I’d been toting a film camera around forever, and it was serious love for a long time … but the change to digital really allowed me to have total creative control over my images. There was a profound sense of newfound freedom because I could just keep shooting, assessing and reshooting until I was satisfied with the outcome. Amazing thing … immediate feedback! And, I never again had to worry about wasting money on film and prints that weren’t acceptable.”

Of course, today’s digital photography requires post processing in a digital darkroom, and this is where images are edited to their full potential to showcase their final presentation. “I have to admit“, he says, “the learning curve of a powerful tool like Photoshop is long term. Even after all these years, I still marvel at what can be done … as well as what I haven’t mastered. I do, though, feel that I’m farther along on that journey than I’ve ever been.”

A few years ago, friends, neighbors and followers began to take note of Clay’s images on his blog and Facebook pages. More change was in the air. He explains, “First a few folks started to ask me to do portraits and shoot events. So, I made the jump to buying some studio lighting and some other new toys. Then, I was fortunate enough to be offered an extensive food photography shoot and some other more serious work. So, there just came this day when I thought … why am I not offering photography services for hire?”

And now, Clay has another exciting new photography job. We’re simply delighted to announce that Clay is returning to the Pump House team as our resident photographer. You’ll be seeing his work more and more on our web site as he shoots events and other fare. You’ll know his work when you see it; just look for the signature watermark. And, if you like what you see, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to talk to you about offering his services for your project, business, event or family portraits. We think you’ll see why we’re so happy to have him back on the team! Welcome back, Clay! Or maybe we should say, welcome home."

And so ... the fun has begun! I've been in and out for a few events and already delivered some images. I've got a good handle on upcoming events and a meeting set up with the Queen Bee to develop a comprehensive shot list. It's great being a photographer.

Chris Smither

Laura Horn

Volunteers Make It Work

The Dayton Theater / Concert Hall

Michael Hauser

FHDR? Faux High Dynamic Range Photos Using Photomerge

2011-05-13T16:00:00.015-05:00

Later versions of Adobe Photoshop and Photoshop Elements offer a wonderful set of options (tools) called “Photomerge “ which includes Photomerge Exposure … a feature that allows you to merge different exposures of the same shot for a broader range of what’s properly exposed in the final product. This is also the principle behind High Dynamic Range photography, and in both cases, it makes best sense to plan ahead and shoot brackets (exposures over and under what you’re considering the best exposure) with a tripod so they line up flawlessly, and then merge the photos accordingly.

But … what if all you have is one shot of something special, and you wish you had some brackets to try a Photomerge to increase the dynamic range of the image?

That’s exactly what I was wishing when I discovered I had an interesting shot of my dogs that I had to snap quickly because the moment was so fleeting. I only had a moment to capture the shot and I took it. Like many Photomerge candidates, this was a contrasty image; it was taken outdoors in the early spring on a bright mid-morning. The shot looked flat and a bit blown out in the highlights because the light meter had been focused on the black dogs. Neat composition potential, but not much for wow factor in the exposure department.

So, I wondered how I might make the best of the image. Basic Levels adjustments just didn’t cut it, and then I thought, “What if I make underexposed and overexposed copies and then try a Photomerge?”

I’m going to offer a tutorial on how I did it… a little technique I call FHDR … or, Faux HDR. There is a lot of latitude here, no set-in-stone numbers, because a good deal of it personal taste However, the objective is to make an improved “original” shot (using a COPY of the original source image, of course) that you can then post process as you normally do with adjustments, sharpening, watermarks or whatever.

So, here we go!

Step One: Create a new folder to work in and call it (file number) - FHDR.

Step Two: Choose an image with a complex, contrasty exposure, but avoid portraits. If you have the RAW image, go ahead and open it in Camera Raw first, make sure it is set to 8 bit, and tweak it for noise reduction, white balance and whatever else seems appropriate. Then, open it in PS / PSE. If your source image is JPG, then open it in PS / PSE and immediately save it as a PSD or TIF copy (because, of course, JPG is a lossy compression and each time you save an image you degrade it). Label your new source file copy “Original Conversion”. Geeky, aren’t we?

Step Three: Crop the image to compositional taste, because it makes no sense to use up memory resources on processing pixels you don’t need, and these files will get quite large. Next, resize the image to a working resolution of 300 dpi … (Image> Resize> Image Size> UNCHECK the Resample Image box> change the resolution to 300> click OK)

Then, reduce its size even more if it seems too large for your resources. For instance, my cropped image was over 24 MB and for my project, I resized it to around 14MB. (Image> Resize> Image Size> CHECK the Resample Image box and choose Bicubic Sharper from the dropdown box >change from pixels to percent in the pixels dimensions box and change 100% to 75% in the width box> click OK). SAVE AS “Original Conversion Reduced” and check your file size, if it’s unacceptable to you (too small or still too large), delete it and try again by tweaking the percentage of reduction. Once you’re satisfied, you have your new “master” source file for the Photomerge. Rename this file: (file number) - 0. Time to make some other exposures!

809 - 0

Step Four: Make a lightened shadows exposure and save it to your folder. While your “master” source file is open, go to … Enhance> Adjust Lighting> Shadows/Highlights … then lighten the shadows to between 65% and 85%. SAVE AS and rename this file: (file number) – LS.

809 - LS

Step Five: Make a darkened highlights exposure and save it to your folder. Go backward to your “master” source file (Ctrl Z / Command Z) and then, go to … Enhance> Adjust Lighting> Shadows/Highlights … and darken the highlights to between 75% and 100%. SAVE AS and rename this file (file number) – DH.

809 - DH

Step Six: Make an underexposed shot in LEVELS and save it to your folder. Go backward to your “master” source file (Ctrl Z / Command Z) and then, go to … Enhance> Adjust Lighting> LEVELS … and pull the black slider to the right until the blacks are nearly jet black, then back off a hair (maybe to 70?). SAVE AS and rename this file (file number) -1.

809 -1

Step Seven: Make an overexposed shot in LEVELS and save it to your folder. Go backward to your “master” source file (Ctrl Z / Command Z) and then, go to … Enhance> Adjust Lighting> LEVELS … and pull the white slider to the left until the shadow details are visible (maybe to 200?). SAVE AS and rename this file (file number) +1.

809 +1

Step Eight: Pull all five files (0, -1, +1, LS and DH) into the Project Bin and select them all by Atl+clicking each one. Then, go to … New> Photomerge Exposure. Merge the photos and save the resulting file as (file number) – FDHR. Finally! THIS IS YOUR IMPROVED ORIGINAL SHOT … your new “source file”.

Step Nine: Close all other shots and open your new FDHR the editor. It’s now your Background Copy, so hit Ctrl J / Command J to make a new layer and start processing it like any other shot.

For my shot of the dogs in this tutorial … I processed the image in layers as follows: a.) tweaked the overall Levels to taste, b.) delicately changed two hue channels to add a hint of reds and back off the greens slightly, c.) used a layer for cloning out some little imperfections, d.) added a cooling photo filter and dialed back the opacity to taste, e.) sharpened slightly, and finally, f.) added a faint vignette and my watermark.

809 - FDHR

Compare it to the original and you can see that the image is greatly improved. Note that the shadows contain adequate detail and the highlights are not harsh and blown out. It’s a lot more work than some fast adjusting, but when you have a special shot that’s worth the effort, and it qualifies as a proper candidate such processing … it can turn a mediocre image into a keeper.

809 (original)

That’s how I did it. Welcome to FHDR! Remember to experiment with the numbers, because it’s mostly about personal taste, and always work on copies of your originals. Good luck and have fun!

The Gift Of The Mundane

2011-05-11T21:29:00.000-05:00

Not so long ago I recall a young friend of mine Facebooking that there was nothing to shoot with her new camera. I think we've all had days when we felt stumped, camera gear in hand, looking around saying to ourselves "I've been here in this place so many times, there's nothing left to make a picture of."

These are the days when the most mundane things can be a gift.

One thing I enjoy doing is looking up close at average things that we tend to take for granted. I like taking on the challenge of making an interesting image of something ... mundane. A bug, an anthill, a dandelion, a tossed away piece of chewed gum ... whatever. Digging deep into one's creative genes to try and step up to the challenge is actually a lot of fun, if not great practice. It doesn't always produce award-winning images, but I love the way it make me see the world differently.

Most of what I am speaking of here could be loosely described as "macro" photography. Close-up compositions! And, they can, and do, present their challenges, especially with regard to depth of field issues ... but no worries, it's all about the fun. Most point-and-shoots have a macro setting which can keep enthusiastic hobbyists busy, but DLSR owners have a good many more options starting with dedicated macro lenses and ending with something as inexpensive as "close-up lenses" which are no more than magnifier filters that screw into an existing lens. Like a magnifying glass, you have to get up real close, even on top of your subject to use them. But, they can really be great fun.

I have ultra wide angle and other lenses with macro capabilities, and they are wonderful, but my favorite toy in this department is an amazing $35 attachment lens by Opteka (called the HD2 0.35 x AF Fisheye) that just threads into your favorite lens and acts as a macro (magnifier) and fisheye (sort of). While the edges of the frame do blur softly (an often desirable vignette effect), the center of the glass will be sharp as a knife when used properly. It's just the most fun $35 dollar investment I ever made, bar none. In my quest to capture and immortalize the mundane, I use often this little lens screwed into my 35mm Nikkor prime lens and make images from as close as a half an inch from the subject matter. Too cool.

So, next time you're scratching your head and thinking, "what is there to shoot?" Start looking the small stuff you walk over everyday, and challenge yourself to make an interesting shot. You'll learn a lot about being up close and personal.

A wild wood violet, ubiquitous but lovely.

The lowly dandelion, more beautiful than you thought.

It's Not Cheating

2011-05-10T14:58:00.004-05:00

I'm having a conversation a few weeks back with a good friend regarding the taking of a group portrait. A third person is present ... you know, there's always one of those. He pipes up, "My daughter takes good pictures. She's in a club. I always judge the quality of a picture by how sharp it is."

I pause briefly and then respond, "Do you mean how in focus the picture is, or how it's been sharpened in post processing? Because, you know, that's part of the equation in digital imaging these days."

"Ya, well," he grumps, "if you want to cheat. That's Cheating."

No statement could possibly advertise one's ignorance with regard to modern photography more effectively. It's not cheating. It's part of the digital darkroom workflow, and a normal element in processing digital images.

Can you "over-sharpen"? Of course. That's where "personal taste" comes in. Can you "fix" a blurry image? No. Interestingly, images that benefit best from a whisper of sharpening are images that are already quite sharp. Digital sharpening focuses on better defining edges.

But, let's go back and make a sensible argument to the accusation of cheating. Was Ansel Adams a cheater for using large format negatives, tilt-shift techniques and sturdy tripods to attain his tack sharp images? Was it cheating for him to use burning and dodging in the darkroom to "tweak" his black and white prints? Was his Zone System cheating? Wasn't he simply using what was available to him to bring his own vision of an image to fruition?

For those who wish to live in the now vintage world of film photography, I admire you all, and wish well of you. As for me ... I ain't goin' back. I get to have my own darkroom now, and finally, I am able to have complete control over my images. That darkroom is now a powerful image editing program. I'm not slacking on trying to get the best image I can when behind the camera, but you can bet I'm going to pull it into my darkroom and make it as professional as I am able, because I want my images to be the best they can be. In other words, I will try and tastefully use the tools I have available to try and bring my vision of an image to fruition.

Today, Ansel would likely still be using his beloved large format cameras, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if he'd have been dabbling in digital too. He'd have understood the beauty of the technology ... right down to the ground. And I think he'd have liked it.

SmugMug!

2011-05-10T08:58:00.004-05:00

Time to take a look at some of my photography, friends.

Here's a link to my site:

Clay Riness Photgraphy

at SmugMug

Changing Horses

2011-05-10T08:16:00.007-05:00

Wow ... four months since I thought to check in via my blog. What happened to that part of my day? I used to make blogging a morning ritual. As of late, I've been thinking about trying to find the energy and time to rekindle that spark.

I guess I have to start with a change of direction, starting with what's been dominating my life. So, while I will continue to answer the call of those who seek assistance with their dogs, I have a frustrating factoid to admit. It is pretty clear that most people would rather apologize for their dog's bad behaviors than spend a dollar to have someone teach them how to provide proper leadership and training techniques. Folks are all for the free advice I offer on my Facebook page ... but few want to invest in dogs. And, of course, this does not put money in escrow to pay my punishing property taxes, let alone pay for secondary things, like ... gasoline.

I realize part of the problem might just be inadequate advertising, too. Not really looking to rent a highway billboard. Still, the big box stores won't display business cards or flyers, since they already have trainers "on staff". Craigslist is a joke. And, all the contacts I planted at shelters and Humane Societies ... pfffft ... not a referral.

OK ... right turn, Clyde.

As I say, I will answer the call when called upon, but I've been pouring much more energy into my old love lately ... photography. Now, as far as making it an income stream goes, everyone knows that most photographers make their bread and butter on weddings, senior portraits, babies ... and that's fine. That market is engorged with folks and their cameras who offer such services, often for budget prices.

I'm still figuring out how to cut my own slice out of the photography pizza. I'm not sure it's worth trying to compete in the wedding competition. Portraiture I'm quite comfortable with. I dig shooting for musician's promotional stuff and CDs. I love food and commercial photography. I double love candid work at events. And, of course, like most photographers, I shoot a ton of images that will likely make me no money at all ... the nature stuff, the dogs, the flowers and insects and trees and landscapes and ... you get the idea.

What I'm saying, I think, is that I'll keep on with my teaching of music, still offer the occasional concert performance, jump all over commissioned composition and studio session work, take dog training calls when requested ... but it is clear that my obsession for photography has returned in a big way, and that's something I can't change.

So, this blog is going to take a turn toward photography. I'm changing horses. Don't worry, I'll still post my favorite recipes as they move me. But, you can look to start seeing some images. Let's get started.

Comfort Food: Peanut Butter Cream Cheese Pie

2010-12-24T13:55:00.003-06:00

OMG ... I went looking around for some ideas for a peanut butter pie to make for the in-laws Christmas gathering. I looked over a fair number of recipes and then decided to try my own variation. I think it's safe to say that it is a home run in the pie department. It's very rich, so a standard pie, in theory, will yield 16 portions ... small slivers. Yes, I know ... some of you, I mean us, shall be forced to eat larger portions. We are weak. And, the pie is sexy.

Go for it, it's simple to make, but be prepared to be the most popular person at the table. To make one pie:

Peanut Butter Cream Cheese Pie

8 ounces cream cheese
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
12-14 ounces Cool Whip
½ cup milk chocolate chips
1 pre-made chocolate cookie pie crust
crushed peanuts (use food processor or a mortar and pestle)
chocolate or fudge syrup

Soften the cream cheese and peanut butter in your microwave so it's easily workable.

In a large bowl, mix the cream cheese, powdered sugar, and peanut butter until well blended. Fold in the Cool Whip and chips. Pour into the pre-made pie crust and spread evenly. Lick spoon clean and place in sink. Cover pie with crushed peanuts and cross-drizzle a little chocolate syrup on the top. Cover pie and freeze. Allow to thaw ten minutes before slicing and serving. Absolutely decadent and delicious with a bold cup on coffee! ( ... or a big glass of milk)

Merry Christmas!

Spirit Of The Season: Hot Buttered Rum

2010-12-24T13:39:00.008-06:00

One of the flavors of Christmas that we enjoy here at the Riness compound is hot buttered rum, a drink so warming and comforting that only a teetotaler could resist its rich deliciousness. Here's a great way to have hot buttered rums at your beck and call, at the drop of a hat when company pops in, or when you just think, "Hey! I could be sipping one of those in just a couple minutes."

The trick is to prepare the fixings in advance and store them in your fridge. You'll need:

1 stick butter, softened
2 cups light brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon grated or powdered nutmeg
Pinch ground cloves
Pinch salt

Combine these ingredients in a small sauce pan on low to medium heat and melt them together, stirring constantly. Once combined, transfer to a container with a tight fitting lid and refrigerate. Done. When the moment of desire for a HBR arises, put the tea kettle on the burner and bring some water to a boil. Scoop one to three teaspoons of your mixture into a mug (depending on how sweet and buttery you want it), add 2 oz of dark rum and then fill the mug with boiling water. Stir until everything is melted and happy and start sipping.

It's so wonderful, although rich. For me, it's hard to have more than one, maybe two, but what a great way to take the chill off when returning inside from a long piece of shoveling! Enjoy!

Comfort Food: Butternut Squash Soup

2010-12-07T08:56:00.008-06:00

In light of the love or hate relationship some of my friends and family members harbor towards yellow winter squashes ... I thought I would share my own recipe for the most delicious soup in the history of humankind. Enjoy!

Clay’s Squash Soup

1 large onion, diced (or leeks if you have them)
three small butternut squash (about 4.5 pounds uncooked)
1 32 oz box chicken broth
1 cup half and half
butter
powdered ginger
nutmeg
honey
olive oil
salt / fresh ground pepper
white pepper

Cut squash in half, remove seeds, brush uncooked side with olive oil and bake (cut side down) on a sprayed sheet pan at 375 until soft, about 60 to 75 minutes. Cool until you can handle it then scoop all the pulp (or meat) out of the skin and set aside.

In an enameled 6 qt Dutch oven, warm 1 Tbs each of olive oil and butter and add onion (or leek) and a generous pinch of salt. Sweat the onion until soft. Add broth and squash and bring to a boil, stirring until the squash is broken up and all happy. (Try figuring that one out.)

Reduce heat to simmer and add 1 Tbs honey, 1/2 stick of butter, 1/2 tsp ginger, and 1 cup of half and half. Stir to combine and melt the butter. Hit the mixture with a stick blender and puree. If you think it is too thick, dilute with more chicken broth to desired consistency. (You can also transfer to a food processor and puree it, but the stick is so easier.)

Here's the "instinct" part ... the finish: At this point, add some some freshly ground white and black pepper and grind some fresh nutmeg into the mix and stir well and then taste it. Each taste (close your eyes and really taste) should detect a hint of the white pepper and the nutmeg, but not too much! Keep re-seasoning conservatively until you get the hint you like. It's not a science ... you just keep taste-testing until you get there. This is what is known as .... cooking!

Re-season with salt to taste and serve to squash soup loving people everywhere.

Food Rituals

2010-11-29T08:53:00.012-06:00

Dial it back a few generations or so, or even farther. When you had food you ate it. You were thankful. You were lucky to have it. You were hungry and that was that and there was no bitching. Now, dial it forward back to today. OK ... we're better off and we have choices. I get that. However, I marvel at the weird rituals, aversions to, and unjustified conclusions that people draw from select foods ... and food groups. Yes, another Thanksgiving past. Same rituals as last year.

Try not to interpret this as a whiny treatise of complaint. I certainly love my family. It's just that it's about time I sat down and finally said what I've always been thinking on the subject of food rituals. Every year it's the same amazing scene playing out in front of my eyes. One nephew wouldn't try a vegetable if it tasted like a Snickers. Another fills his plate with meat, nothing more, and when asked if that is all he's eating he answers, "I like meat".

"Are you going to eat any vegetables?"
"I had corn."
"Corn is not a vegetable. It's a grain."
"It is in this house."
"No, really. Aren't you going to have anything green or orange? Do not say pizza."
"But I like meat."

Of course, ten minutes after the meat meal is over, he is asking, "Mom, can I have a piece of cheesecake?" You mean to go with your nutritious Mountain Dew?

Some of the adults might even be worse! One ritualistically cruises the table, looks at every dish and asks, "Are there onions in this?" Because, of course, if there are onions in it, he couldn't bear to choke it down, since onions are somehow evil and couldn't possibly taste, you know, good.

Another harbors a garlic phobia, a psychosomatic, entirely off-the-hook belief that the mere smell of garlic, let alone actually consuming it, would make, and has made her physically ill ... bed ridden, even. So, when a brief discussion entitled "What the hell is hummus anyway?" came to the floor, I told my Allium-phobic in-law,

"Hummus is loaded with garlic ... we'd no doubt find you dead the next morning." (To be fair, there are some people who do have serious reactions to the consumption of garlic. I have my doubts in this case.)

The beloved patriarch of the family likes carrots raw, but not cooked. Don't even think about asparagus ... or for that matter, most anything green. Speaking of greens ... I don't think anyone's even heard of kale or chard. Spinach is another story. But, no, we ain't eating' that neither, not even raw. A humble green salad is a mighty scarce, if not unloved, member of the annual culinary experience. (There are salads, of course ... Jello salads, jammed with marshmallows and sugar, and this year an actual cabbage salad, which was quite delicious, that featured highly nutritious ramen noodles. Only about half the family would brave that one, though, since it contained, ugh, cabbage.) I don't think a single branch of the family, except us, has olive oil in the cupboard, even though olives are part of every holiday meal ... but just those black pitted ones in the can that they inject black food coloring into. Forget anything like kalamatas in brine with ... pits.

One year I went into town and brought back oysters. Nearly the entire family almost vomited just watching me eat them.

Possibly, the worst thing is the squash conundrum. We happen to have a load of yellow squash this year. I asked if we should take a few butternuts to Thanksgiving and the wife said, "No, no one will eat it." I simply can't figure this out. The entire family vacuums down pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin roll, pumpkin breads ... and yet, the pie pumpkin is a lowly squash. If you called it "squash pie", they'd probably say, "Yuk, no thanks; I don't like that." And, while there are so many wonderful ways to serve squash ... creamy soup, roasted and tossed with pasta, baked and mashed with butter and a little brown sugar or maple syrup ... the general attitude is, "I don't like squash." Let me get this straight: Yams and sweet potatoes, swimming in butter and brown sugar ... GOOD. Yellow squash, no matter how the hell you serve it up ... BAD.

Sister-in-law, who isn't overly adventurous when it comes to vegetables, claims that her mother cooked every vegetable the same way, boiled to death. I remind sister-in-law, who I love dearly, we now have the Internet, a plethora of cookbooks, farmers markets and the right to NOT boil everything to death. Still, she seems sure that the boys would not eat such fare in a house with just three major food groups: pizza, burgers and "snacks". Let's not define the latter category. And, please, don't think my own children don't have their demons. Plenty of junk going down their gullets, too, and plenty of food aversions, especially the daughter.

I'm not suggesting that I myself don't dislike certain foods and flavors, of course. For instance, I love hazelnuts but I really loathe hazelnut flavored coffee, which always smells so sickeningly sweet I just want to stick my finger down my throat. I wouldn't put a piece of lutefisk in my mouth for all the tea in China. Not crazy about seaweed as a standalone, although I do love sushi maki. I tried some bear chops once that were were pretty questionable. I'm not in love with the extra fishy personality of mackerel. Try as I might, I can't enjoy goat cheese, which tastes like goat armpits to me. And, is it just me, or does lamb taste a little funky?

But, I am still learning. I used to think I hated beets and rutabagas and some other wonderful foods. I have learned to love them by actually researching recipes and trying them. Hell, I can even appreciate jellied cranberries these days, a curious substance that I made fun of for years, even if it does turn my turkey purple, which as we all know, is wrong.

Getting back to the point, if you dial it back to the Depression era, can you even imagine how we'd have been ridiculed, even shunned and gossiped about for the kinds of whiny, ungrateful, spoiled-child behaviors we allow in ourselves and our children these days? Depression Era Mantra: Shut up and eat it and be grateful. If you don't want to eat it you have two choices: cook your own meals or stay hungry.

Next year ... I'm bringing squash. I may have to eat it all myself, but I am bringing squash.

Found Money

2010-11-24T09:23:00.004-06:00

I suck at math.

Flashback: high school. I hated math because I never understood it. All of my best friends breezed through math courses. Not me. I struggled with every aspect of it, even the simplest concepts. (Fortunately, I understood fractional math just enough to understand music.)

Flashback: college. After my pre-algebra professor made it clear he had no time to answer my questions and suggested I hire a tutor, I dropped the class. I was failing it. Yeah, pre-algebra. Might as well have been quantum physics.

People like me, who loathe math ... we don't balance our checkbooks. We just keep a safe cushion of cash in the account and use a calculator with very large numbers to add and subtract deposits and debits in the register every month when the bills need writing. Off and on for the past twenty-six years my patient wife has explained and reexplained, step by step, how to take the banks statement, renconcile it with the check register, take into account any checks that haven't been cashed, and confirm the balance. I will admit, I have enjoyed periods of success in this endeavor, actually taking the time each month and getting it done. But, it always ends the same ugly way. After a few months of things always adding up right, I get cocky ... or lazy, as it were ... and start doing it every two months, then four, and then before I know it, it's been two years.

Yeah, aren't you pleased I'm not in charge of your money? Well, now ... wait a minute.

Yesterday I made a rather sizable bank deposit, because I don't cash checks from people for months at a time. (I know ... but why should anybody else have it easy on the balancing-a-checkbook front?) When I looked at the receipt there was a very big discrepancy between the balance the bank thought I had and what I thought I had, according to my own register and my rocket science math skills.

Once again, I slithered on my pathetic belly over to the wife for some advice, which means, "will you please help me balance my checkbook because I am an idiot, as if you didn't know that, given my checkered past with the M word." The account had not been balanced for eighteen months. The two of us dug in, she going on line to the account and I sitting down with my calculator with very large numbers, a pencil and eraser and my dreaded checkbook register.

Well, well. I made a little mistake back there in August. Musta pushed a wrong very large button on that calculator ... um ... the bank's numbers are confirmed. I just discovered I have eleven hundred more dollars in my account than I thought! Yeah, that's one thousand one hundred bucks more than I had in there yesterday, so it seems. Take that, cold-hearted college professor! Touche, you smug high school best friends who laughed at me for not understanding algebraic poetry! Yes, mathematically brilliant wife, this means we can afford more wine!

Remember when you were a kid and you said, "WHAT will I EVER need this for in real life?", as you were forced to study your most hated subjects? Uh huh ... well, I just pretty much proved that ignorance leads to reward, right?

Do not tell your kids about this.

Follow Through

2010-11-23T09:37:00.003-06:00

It's cold. The outdoor thermometer says 20 degrees. Well, OK, I said cold, not frigid. I'm not trying to be a whiner, but I noticed that there is frost on the windows up in the South Fork. I dug out my little stocking cap today, knowing that this morning's trek with the dogs will be a lot less comfortable than yesterday's ... and it was raining then.

My mind is reeling with the changing season. You know that ending in the Beatles song "A Day In The Life" when the cacophonous music keeps getting louder and swirling further into disorder and it builds into unsettling tension and then ... DONG .... a big, ballsy finishing chord? Yeah, that's the way my do list feels. I'm praying that the finishing chord doesn't translate into my just falling over like John Cleese in the Middle Class Twit Of The Year sketch.

Such is the life of the self-employed. You get nothing but what you make for yourself. The do list is just a daily ritual. If you don't make one and follow through, you just sit wondering "when will the work start rolling in?" I often think I must be doing something wrong. There are twenty-somethings who have already made billions on social networks. I only strive for a few more music students, a dog or two to train, an event to photograph, a few paltry royalties on some inconsequential piece of music I've licensed to someone. Hmmm ... still listening for the fog horn of that ship that's coming in.

There are "idea men" and there are "follow through" men. I knew a guy who was an idea man. He thought of every possible thing he could to get rich ... and he was passionate, but he never finished anything. I used to joke that his motto was: "I gotta get going, I have a million things to start." He never got rich. He passed away owing everyone money.

I also know a good many follow though men. My father is a perfect example. He finishes everything he starts. Always did. He ain't rich either. I like to think of myself as a follow through man ... usually. Motivation, or lack thereof, sometimes foils my plans. Usually, lack of motivation is a direct result of lack of inspiration. If I am inspired, I am driven.

This last weekend I finally quit floundering in the muddy pit of ideas and, in an effort to ramp up my photography, designed a web site, uploaded galleries of photos and began marketing. Another egg in my basket ... one more little income stream. My do list this week involves a lot of points related to the marketing of Clay Riness Photography, not surprisingly. And, I need to get that plan intact before the video footage from my recent concert shows up in my PO box, because that will signal the beginning of producing and editing a documentary film. And, Lord knows, I want to be a "follow through" man.

Last week I was down at Dent Bent and pulled out my Nikon to get a wide shot of the store interior. The gal behind the counter asked me, "Is there anything you can't do? Geesh, dog training, photographer, big concert last week..."

I looked at her and laughed out loud. Of course, the answer is, yes, I can't get rich.

A Little Overdue

2010-11-22T13:32:00.002-06:00

Ok ... I've been bad. Really bad. Long time no post to the blog. I could give you a good list of excuses, but the real reason is ... I lost my motivation.

Well, today I have regained a bit of it as I have been ramping up my efforts to get more serious about my photography. So, in this short post, I just wanted to get a link posted to one of my new places of residence on the web. Go visit it ... sign the guestbook. Take a look at what I've been doing between the Facebooking and dog training and music teaching and mushroom hunting and songwriting and documentary making ... see you more often, I hope.

Clay Riness Photography

Getting Neighboring Dogs To Be Neighborly

2010-04-20T13:37:00.005-05:00

I have a 3 year old Dutch Shepherd, Kilala, who's great and super smart. My problem lies with the two Rat Terriers that border my back yard. (Corners of our wood fences meet.) They are untrained and love to taunt my dog into fence fighting. They have a two story deck in their back yard that the dogs stand on and watch over my fence. They bark at my dog to get her attention, then they'll stalk down the steps and about halfway down will full on charge at my fence and hit it barking. If Kilala doesn't react, they turn around and do it again, until she does.

Thankfully, Kilala doesn't bark unless there is an actual threat. But, she will eventually give into the taunts and charge at the fence. I correct her about it when I catch it, but I can't catch it all the time. I'm terrified Kilala is going to hurt herself, and she has been showing signs of dog aggression since this has all started, especially to smaller dogs. (At the moment, just tries to be a big bully) --K. P.

In a perfect world, we’d love to see these dogs acclimated to one another and ultimately become friends and learn to enjoy each other’s company. That is possible, even though it may require commitment and ongoing work on the part of both you and your neighbors. Assuming your neighbors wish for the dogs to be friends and you have a good relationship with them, a training partnership seems to be in order.

First off, the Rat Terrier is known for its tenacious hunting skills, but its temperament is generally thought to be affable and it will usually get along with kids, other dogs and cats. It does have a few special needs, among them … exercise, socialization and training. That’s a typical “big three”.

The Dutch Shepherd is known to be a happy and very intelligent breed. The best news is that it is a breed that generally enjoys the company of other dogs. Like many breeds that are trained for guard work or herding, it is essential that the breed is trained to understand and accept its lower position in your family pack. Once proper obedience is a foundation, the sky is the limit.

In your described scenario, there is a two-against-one energy. The terriers, viewing themselves as a pack, target and then stalk Kilala, and then when sufficiently escalated to boil over status, they charge to defend territory. What a fun game! The fences, in my opinion, probably make things worse because the dogs cannot make full contact and smell each other the way dogs do (um … private parts) when they greet. Further, if your reaction is nervous and escalated, all the dogs feed into it. Your energy needs to be confident, calm and assertive.

As a side bar, I live next door to a rat terrier who is a quite wonderful, if not vocal and alerting at anything that moves. She’s all bark and hackle … tough girl posture, and all terrier. Although she and my two dogs are now great friends and are quite excited to greet each other (and then proceed with the ensuing fun), it wasn’t always that way. Every time she would see them she would growl and bark and give the general warning that she was going to kick their … well, you know. Finally one day, my most balanced dog and training partner, Merle, who recognized it as feigned threat, simply walked right into her space very calmly, offering lovely calming signals … ignoring her and looking away, then sniffing around at the ground. Although she gave a few growly messages to him not to push things too fast, they soon smelled each other, and she calmed down completely. Merle then offered a play bow, and the two of them were off and running. I was there to intervene if need be, but I let the two of them be dogs and meet on their own terms. To be fair, this kind of thing can get you into trouble with the wrong dogs, and it’s a good idea to consult or even enlist a qualified trainer to help you in the early transition, especially if you are unfamiliar with “dogspeak”.

When I introduced my energetic puppy Willa to her, Miss Terrier quickly corrected her for being too in-her-face, which was good. Willa rolled over in submission and looked away, Miss Terrier smelled what she needed to and the two of them were fine after. Willa gave her the space she needed after that. As I say, now my two dogs perk up with joy and excitement when I say, “Oh, there’s Daisy! Should we go say hi?”

Getting back on track, if you’ve been keeping up with my columns and postings, then you know how much I rely on (and stress) the importance of focus training and redirection. I believe it is imperative that dogs be trained to focus on you at your request (and be rewarded for it.) It can be a lengthy project with some dogs, especially when it comes to training it under the distraction of other, and sometimes reactive, dogs. But, over time, I believe that if you are consistent and constantly training it, you can succeed, at least with most dogs. As I always ask, how does a dog know what you want it to do unless it is paying attention to you?

It’s not surprising that Kilala is showing some signs of reactivity toward other, smaller dogs. Her experiences to date have largely been negative with the terriers and each time she gets a dose of that reactive energy, her fears or anxieties are reinforced. We want to teach her, with the help of a good many other balanced dogs, that meeting up with a strange pooch is going to be rewarding and fun. And in the end, with the help of your neighbors, that those terriers are her peeps … and that seeing them means play time and getting to be dogs together.

Here are some strategies to try to get Kilala and the neighboring terriers to be friends:

Step One: Watch me! Train Kilala to focus on you on command using reward based methods. Many dogs are food motivated and easy to teach in this respect. In time, you can progress to training the focus command under distant distractions and then closer ones. Remember that for associative learning to occur in dogs, the consequence (the treat, praise or correction) must come within two seconds of the dog’s response, behavior, or action.

Step Two: More fence time. As I mentioned, assuming your relationship with the neighbors is good and they would like to see the dogs get along too, I suggest you and they spend planned, regular time at the fence corner just visiting. Since the terriers are the ones stalking and charging, have them be present at the fence before you and Kilala enter the picture. My idea here is to get the dogs in close contact while they join you and your neighbor. It’s kind of like two packs merging into one. The fence will prevent any dangerous physical conflict, but the dogs can posture and serve their warnings and eventually calm down and smell each other a little. Because the dogs will feed off of your demeanor and energy and react accordingly, I recommend largely ignoring them while you are fence visiting. (With the exception of something so violent that you must intervene, in which case, you should calmly remove Kilala altogether. Please note that there will be trainers who advise that you step in and allow no aggressive posturing at all. This is simply my approach for your situation.) One essential goal in this approach is to stick it out until the dogs are calmed down and no longer paying attention to each other. If you practice this exercise often, I believe the dogs will get used to each other. Seeing each other will become a normal event and the dynamics will change.

Step Three: Pack Walk. This is probably the most powerful of the strategies … fooling them into a pack walk together. Nothing is so basic and primeval to dogs and walking together. In the wild, dog packs travel through their territory most of their day (or night, as it were) … exploring, hunting, and establishing and defending it. It’s hard wired.

So how do you “fool” reactive dogs into becoming a pack? It’s easy. You and the neighbor must prearrange the exercise. One of you strikes out with your dog(s) on leash. When that dog gets, say, a block or two down the street, the other dog(s) get(s) to fall in behind, also on leash, of course. Away you all go … the distance should be far enough so as not to create serious reactivity. Then, slowly, the handler in the rear begins to close the gap over distance and time. Eventually, the lead dogs will notice the rear dog is getting closer. Just keep moving forward. No talking, no fussing. If at any point things escalate to what feels like an unhealthy energy, open up the distance a little. The eventual goal is to get the rear dogs walking along with the front dogs on the other side of the street and then close that gap slowly until both handlers and all dogs are walking as a pack, with the handlers in between the dogs.

This is a great way to prepare dogs for a romp together in the dog park. Once they have walked a while together, the calm energy often prevails over close proximity and they can smell each other properly and then invite one another to play.

Of course, nothing works one hundred percent of the time or even one hundred percent as described. There will be dogs that simply want to kill other dogs, which is not my specialty. People who own such pet dogs require a trainer qualified for such serious issues. However, most dogs are largely made of smoke and mirrors and if you play your energy right and use a few well-planned strategies, you should be able to succeed. In time, I do believe that Kilala and the two terriers next door can learn to be happy and excited to see each other. It all depends on you and you neighbors.

"Riness Has It Covered" by Frank Byrne

2010-04-15T11:31:00.004-05:00

Many thanks to my old friend Frank for this wonderful article...

Riness Has It Covered

A Review Of
"The Covered Up Concert"
by Frank Byrne, Heartland Murmurs

Photo by Melissa McCarthy

For The Love Of Nora

2010-03-10T11:38:00.007-06:00

I got this note from an old friend a few days ago. Some of these issues might be personal demons of your dog, too. It is my hope that there might be something here that could help:

Clay ... please help me help Nora!

Nora is part German Shepard Dog, part Coon Hound, adopted from the Human Society as a stray. She is very shy, and timid... scared of men, especially with facial hair (probably has a past with abuse or neglect). She is very sweet and very attached to us and follows us around the house. She barks and whines when we leave her alone in the house. She gets three walks a day minimum, but seems not content with that. There's not enough of a yard to keep her outside, and she barks when alone. We took her to doggy day care today and she got kicked out for aggressive behavior. (She's quite dominant with other dogs... but scared of cats.) I guess I'm not sure what to do. She doesn't like treats or toys, so training her to do any commands has been hopeless. She seems bored, restless, and kind of unhappy. Any suggestions? -- Karli H.

Nora’s problems are quite possibly related to a lack of proper socialization, especially during a few critical periods when she was a puppy. Properly socialized pups are introduced to all the things you mention at an early age and in an ongoing fashion. Now that she has developed these issues, it could be quite a challenge to rehabilitate her. But, it can be done, while it is important to admit that we may never be able to change all of her behaviors or cure all of her anxieties. So much of it is about YOU and your energy.

As her owners and pack leaders, it will be very important for you to recognize when you should and SHOULD NOT reinforce certain behaviors. She is a fearful, shy dog and therefore must be handled with a gentle approach. However, this does NOT mean coddling her when she is in a fearful or aggressive state. DO NOT reinforce these behaviors by consoling her and telling her “it’s OK”.

As always, the foundation begins with focus training, and then basic obedience. If she is uninterested in treats, then you either 1) have not found a high enough value treat, and/or 2) are not keeping her hungry enough. She should not be allowed to “graze” over a bowl of food whenever she pleases. Feeding time should be scheduled daily and you should be the giver of all food. Feed her less than she requires so that she is interested in supplementing with treats. NO food or treats are given for free. Everything must be earned as part of her “psychological demotion”. If you read through previous answers you will find full instructions on this concept (via trainer/author Colin Tennant).

Nora could benefit from the company of normal, balanced dogs who can teach her social manners and to play. Once she is interested in playing with humans, she is a dog that could benefit from winning at tug-of-war, which could help her to build confidence. Normally, I advise to NOT let your dog win at this game, but since she is shy, insecure and unsure, I think it would help her to win a little.

She should not be allowed to constantly follow you around the house, as there is never any time separated from you, and this simply fuels her separation anxiety. If she is not yet crate trained, then she should be crate trained, slowly and gently with the patience of a Saint. She should also be trained in a basic “stay” command. You train these things over time and in small increments. “Stay” for just a second at first as you simply take a step backward and then forward again to treat and praise. Build distance little by little. Keep training sessions short but frequent.

She should be spending some time in her crate while you are in the room with her, and while you make brief trips out of the room and then back. During this exercise, you should ignore her completely. Increase the length of your absence as time goes on. Do not cave in to her vocal tantrums. When you leave the home, she should be crated with a stuffed Kong or shank bone … something that will engage her mentally and make crate time rewarding. Some trainers who successfully treat separation anxiety feed their dog patients ONLY from a Kong (soft, sticky foods) and ONLY when they are separated from their owners. That’s it.

Dog on dog aggression is another story. She resorts to dominance aggression because she is insecure and was never taught proper dog interaction with and by other dogs. Again, trained, balanced dogs can be a savior here, but you must not let her just meet up nose to nose randomly with other dogs until she is better trained. Every time she has a bad experience, it feeds her insecurity more. This is something a qualified trainer with balanced working dogs should be hired for.

You can start by introducing her to other dogs at a great distance, ON LEASH, and rewarding her when she focuses on YOU, not the other dog. Close the gap slowly, over time. You’ll need to have help with this, because you need people with non-reactive dogs to participate, especially as the proximity of the dogs gets tighter. If she loses her cool and escalates into any aggressive behaviors, at any time, walk her away without talking. Just remove her and let her come back to a calm state of mind. Do not have a conversation with her. Remember, when training fails, it is ALWAYS our fault because we always expect too much too soon.

Building Trust

Let’s specifically address Nora’s shyness, perhaps fear, and (surely) her distrust of strangers and men with facial hair.

Typically, we blame an “abusive past” for such issues, but I am often not so convinced. That is an easy argument and way out, but dogs live in the here and now, not in the past. They do not reason and rationalize in human fashion. Issues (personal demons) of this sort are almost always related to lack of socialization. Nora has become accustomed to reacting a certain way based on the energy and actions of the people she is around or those that approach her. How you handle the situation means everything, and she can learn, in time, to build trust and enjoy greeting, and keeping company with strangers.

First of all, you need friends who will follow your instructions to the letter to help you train this. Willing friends, including men with beards, need to come to your home regularly. When they enter they must ignore the dog completely. No words, no approach, and for heaven’s sake, no touching or eye contact. The job of the guest is to be unthreatening and uninterested in anything other than you. Your job is to let Nora’s nose bring her to the guest. Do not have a conversation with her. You too, should be ignoring her. (Talking to her and forcing her to meet strangers at this point would likely be reinforcing her fear and anxiety.) Your guests can be armed with a pocket full of delicious, odiferous food treats to help Nora follow her nose … however, AT NO TIME should they make eye contact. If after a time she is showing real interest in the food stuff, say … nosing at the guest’s hand to get at it, then the treat can be given, but without eye contact, words, or fanfare. In this way, she learns that strangers are not always threatening and, in fact, they often have something wonderful to offer.

One thing I like to do with fearful dogs like Nora is visit the home, ignore the dog and take a seat at the dining room table for a visit with the owner while I hold the treats in my lap. The barrier of the table allows the dog to come under the table and smell me and the treats without the fear of big, bad, threatening eye contact. Works almost every time, especially if everyone is patient. Of note, I seem to ALWAYS have to tell people to stop talking to their dog.

Secondly, when out and about, strangers need to be told frankly, and with authority, that Nora is in training and they must NOT approach her, make eye contact, or initiate any type of physical contact. They MUST ignore her. If they do not follow your instruction, then turn and walk her away, no matter how rude it seems. Put Nora’s well being and rehabilitation above what some stranger might think of you. You must commit and be consistent, or Nora will live the rest of her life feeling stressed around strangers, most of which only want to give her affection. And, isn’t that ironic?

Again, making prior arrangements with friends and other people who will follow instruction and allow the dog to come to THEM is fundamental to training and rehabilitating this. You’ll be amazed that you can walk her right up to a stranger on leash, and as long as you and the stranger are ignoring her, the anxiety is quick to recede. The instant she begins to smell the stranger, give her a brief, gentle pat or scratch on the brisket and tell her “good girl, say hi”. Not too much excitement and no eye contact. In other words, reward her for initiating contact (and when she reaches a calm state of mind.) In time, you can hand off some treats to the stranger and let them reward her too … of course, without any eye contact. Duh! (Have I told you how important it is not to make eye contact? In dogspeak, eye contact is a dominant behavior and often viewed as a threat.)

For what it’s worth, my Merle was also a shy rescue dog who was fearful of strangers. He is now a totally trusting, rock star of a training partner, and the most polite, balanced, adjusted dog I’ve ever owned. I did it by helping him build trust using the techniques above, and by taking him everywhere with me to socialize him to the world of humans. It worked, and it can work for you, too. It takes lots of time and effort, but I believe we owe it to the dogs we adopt to give them peace of mind and the gift of trust.

Comfort Food: Simply Amazing Ceviche

2010-03-05T11:19:00.004-06:00

I’ve been refining and experimenting with ceviche for some time and this seems to be the crackerjack of my recipes. Ceviche does not keep well overnight for “next day” fare if you mix all the ingredients together. The cilantro wilts, the tomatoes get mushy and it just doesn’t have that pretty, fresh, amazing thing going for it anymore. Therefore, I recommend cooking the seafood overnight (through marination) in a tightly sealed Ziplock bag while leaving the minced and diced ingredients stored separately until you are ready to assemble some ceviche for immediate consumption.

Or, you can prepare and refrigerate the seafood the day before, and then process your vegetables in the kitchen over wine or a nice cold cerveza while your guests keep you company … a chance to enjoy some social interaction while they see how lovingly you prepare something so amazing just for them!

Ceviche is one of the kings of appetizers … a fresh, explosive, culinary sexpot of flavor and texture! Try it and enjoy!

Simply Amazing Ceviche

½ pound raw shrimp, peeled, deveined, and diced chunky
2 raw Pollock fillets, diced chunky
4 large raw scallops, diced chunky
3 limes and 1 lemon, juiced
1 medium red onion, sliced very thin (or diced small)
1 jalapeño pepper, minced fine
½ cucumber, seeded and diced small
1 medium stalk of celery, diced fine
6 large radishes, diced fine
3 Roma tomatoes, seeded and diced chunky
Fresh Cilantro
Tomato juice
Kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper

Garlic Chili Sauce (available at any Asian market)
Tortilla chips or crusty bread

Ok … here we go! Combine the seafood, half the onion, the citrus juices and a generous pinch of kosher salt in a heavy Ziplock bag. Tumble and mix well and then squeeze all the air out, reseal and refrigerate overnight. (The seafood, of course, will “cook” in the acidic juices and turn white and firm. The juice and the salt negate any microbial issues.)

Before preparing the final product, drain the seafood of excess lime juice or your ceviche will be too sour. In a large mixing bowl, combine the seafood (and marinated onions) with the rest of the onion, jalapeño, cucumber, celery, radishes, and tomatoes. Add a bit of tomato juice and fold mixture together. Continue adding tomato juice, just a wee bit at a time, until you are satisfied with the amount and consistency. It’s not a soup, so you don’t need a lot. Salt and pepper to taste. Add a good bit of freshly chopped cilantro and fold again.

Serve in salsa bowls (or from one big community bowl) with tortilla chips or crusty bread. For those that like a blast of heat, offer them a small dollop of the garlic chili sauce and have them mix it into their ceviche … yum … a little pot of colorful, fiery gold. Serves 8.

Final note: By keeping the seafood and the vegetables stored separately, you can “dish up” some ceviche for one by simply digging into the bag with a slotted spoon, draining what you want to prepare, and then adding a tablespoon of each vegetable to your single serving. Add a little tomato juice, chop some cilantro and a wee dollop of the chili sauce and mix it together. Wow, fresh ceviche … two, even three days in a row … if it lasts!

The Sweetest Georgia Brown

2010-02-12T12:08:00.002-06:00

Sometimes ... you have to just sit back and marvel at the mastery.

Covering Up

2010-02-08T09:40:00.003-06:00

So, I just booked this gig. The whole thing happened so fast … proving to me that it was meant to be. No time to over think.

A few weekends ago, as I have mentioned, I spent some time with a few old friends playing and singing some of the most wonderful old songs. Songs which brought memories gushing through the floodgates; songs that were there for me when I was coming up as a young musician; songs that shaped me as a songwriter … that’s what they were and that’s what was so lovely. Talk about a musical version of comfort food.

I returned from the weekend energized and couldn’t seem to put a guitar down. I located and dusted off my old loose leaf gigging notebook and some folders of handwritten fake sheets, some of them over thirty years old, and poured over them, uncovering treasures not thought of since I quit playing out all those years ago. And, I had a reunion with a whole bunch of old friends. So many of those songs were simply brilliant.

I mentioned on the blog how the whole thing made me feel. Then, I got a little email from my friend Dave who organizes and hosts Bluff View Concerts, a little concert series up the road an hour or so.

“I guess we’ll have to talk about a house concert sometime,” he wrote.

A house concert? I haven’t done a house concert in … uh … decades. Probably 1987. What a wonderful thought! I emailed Dave back and told him that I had an idea for a show. I explained that in November of 2010 I had a concert booked at the Regional Arts Center (in conjunction with a one man art show of my father’s oil paintings). That concert would certainly be my normal show of original music, and I made it clear I had some contractual and moral obligations not to jeopardize the potential attendance of that event by being redundant.

You can see what’s coming here, no doubt. Yup. I proposed a show called “The Covered Up Concert” at which I would feature only covers of some of my all time favorite songs. He thought it was a fantastic idea. Further, I think the show will help to promote my November concert nicely, too.

Upon discovering that Dave’s house could seat about thirty-five people, I suggested that if he and his wife Lori were game, I would certainly offer a second show. After some discussion of marketing the event, we agreed to forge ahead with it and scheduled shows for Saturday, April 10th and Sunday, April 11th. I guess this note begins the marketing strategy. Surely we can convince seventy people to come and enjoy some of the best songs ever written, hmm? Well, OK, that’s my opinion there, regarding the songs.

I’m completely jazzed about how much fun this will be. Here’s a link to the flier / poster announcing the event (PDF format). If you’re local enough, please do print it and hang it up somewhere. Make reservations. Join us. It’s going to be a wonderful good time.

View Or Print Poster For
Clay Riness
The Covered Up Concert

Jerry Jeff And Suzy

2010-02-04T11:37:00.003-06:00

One of my early influences, the great Jerry Jeff Walker, interviews one of my old friends, Suzy Bogguss who sings one of favorite old songs, Night Rider's Lament.

Remembering The Feeling

2010-02-03T11:28:00.008-06:00

This past weekend brought some good times hanging out with my dad, a couple of old buddies and a fine new friend. I'm happy that I schlepped a guitar along for the overnight trip. One of the boys is a lifelong musician and something happened that I haven't been part of for far too long. We stayed up until the wee hours with our guitars and had a grand time just singing covers of old, favorite songs.

Oh, there were a few drinks involved, but I was reminded of how much fun can be had when you just let it happen. Over the years of being a performer, I got used to leaving guitars at home because sometimes you just don't feel like the entertainment. Sometimes you don't feel like doing what you do for work when you're not working.

I had a moment of clarity. Man, we cut loose and played and sang and laughed and reminded ourselves how great those old songs are. It was invigorating. I don't think I sang a single one of my own songs.

It reminded me of something from the wayback. When I was young I cut my teeth with a guitar, singing songs, mostly covers (but a few of my own ... as I was a budding songwriter then), at a little pub called the Stained Glass Pub in my home town of Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin. Times were hard and I went looking for some work and the owner of the pub agreed to hire me on as the house entertainment four nights a week. A steady gig!

It turned out to be a great chapter in my young life. Manager Diane Fernette and bartender Mary Long and I forged quite a bond and friendship as "regular staff". I actually developed a local following! I'm not sure exactly how long that gig lasted. It seemed like a few years, I suppose, but was probably less. In those days, I practiced all day and played a four hour gig at night. Music was life. Most importantly, I polished the edge. All that playing made me a better musician, to be sure.

But, what I remember most was the feeling of it all. I poured myself into those songs and into those nights, sitting on a stool, in the corner, behind those two cheap Peavey microphones. The songs were great and singing them was transcendental ... just the way it felt with my old buds last weekend.

I tell you, if there was a pub 'round here where I could leave my sound set up all the time and settle in for a regular gig like that ... couple nights a week for a hundred bucks a night ... singing some of those old songs and some of my own ... like the old Stained Glass Pub Days...

I would be tempted, sorely tempted, to do so. Maybe that would keep me remembering the feeling.

Cleaning House

2010-02-02T21:37:00.006-06:00

Recently, I was introduced to GOOOH, a bipartisan grassroots movement to vote out the House Of Representatives. Sound impossible? I urge you to investigate. This past weekend I was with my friends at a C4 winter conclave at which endorsing GOOOH was on the agenda. In the words of our secretary, Frank Byrne, and from his blog, "Heartland Murmurs":

Let's do this.

As recording secretary of the recently chartered C4 cabal I have been entrusted to formulate our endorsement of GOOOH, and to alert readers here and my personal e-mail list about the grass roots group www.goooh.com or "Get Out of Our House".

This group has made it their mission to drive a dagger through the heart of political careerism by replacing the entire US House of Representatives in November - - THIS November.

Ladies and gentlemen, gird your loins and tighten your chin straps, the rebellion is about to commence.

Please click and browse www.goooh.com to find out more and join the cause, unless of course the status quo is OK with you, and in which case I would need to ask why in the hell are you hanging around here?

GOOOH is a non-partisan effort first organized during the Bush administration. The fundamental premise, one which I have held for years, is that a random group of everyday Americans cannot possibly do a worse job of running this country than political careerists.

Should you share that view click through the link, www.goooh.com , sign up, and support the cause. Feel free to cut and paste the following as your requested testimonial. After that, cut, paste and circulate this memo, or send this link: www.heartlandmurmurs.com to your friends and ask everyone on your mailing list to join the cause as well.

PRO BONO INFINITUM!

The official C4 endorsement:

Whereas in recognition of the fact that we have a virtually unretractable and near hopelessly entrenched political duopoly that systematically and purposefully reduces electoral choices to a lesser of two evils and,

Whereas said two party system has spawned, cultivated, and nurtured political careerism as the tyrannically wielded mechanism that prioritizes the perpetuation of incumbency over sound governance and,

Whereas money = power political careerism has resulted in a cesspool of dirty money and governance-by-spoils-system on steroids and,

Whereas the likelihood that the odds of a pack of self serving parasites will initiate correction, either self-imposed or by constitutional means, of this cancer on our republic is virtually non-existent, so then,

WE hereby wholeheartedly endorse GOOOH in its effort to REPLACE EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES this election year, 2010, through grass roots, citizen-imposed term limits via the ballot box.

Addressing The Growly Pup

2010-01-21T09:23:00.005-06:00

My boyfriend’s Airedale puppy has started growling at him when he picks him up (mostly in the evenings), and then the pup starts growling when he tries to pet him. (It's odd, because I can pick him up and do anything I want to him without him growling.) Shawn thinks it might be because he usually picks Moses up before putting him in the kennel, tying him out, etc. He’s afraid the puppy will start not liking men. I'm worried about it. Any recommendations on how to stop it? -- Melissa L.

I’m very concerned about this behavior because if it is not abated properly, your puppy could learn to be dog-on-human aggressive when (and after) reaching sexual maturity. Those sorts of issues get perfectly good dogs euthanized every day, all over the country. As you probably know, the Airedale Terrier is considered bold, exuberant, adventurous … but also protective and headstrong. They typically don’t like to back down from a challenge.

First of all, in the natural world, dogs living in social packs never pick each other up, except for mothers moving pups around gently by the scruff of the neck. Some dogs find it very unnatural and unsettling to be picked up. Others like it very much. I would not pick the dog up for things like crating him or tying him out. Instead, use high level treats to lure the dog to these locations and teach the dog that there is a pleasant connection and a reward for willingly coming to you and then doing as you say … such as entering the crate or sitting on command to be tied out.

On the other hand, we do want our dogs to be fully socialized and completely tolerant of all reasonable forms of human contact. We want to be able to put our hands all over a dog without incident, and even pick them up, in case we ever have need of it, such as when we lift him to a table at the vet or over the tailgate of a high pickup truck. Temperament training is fundamental here, and part of it involves spending daily time (some of it on the floor at pup’s level) with plenty of treats and lots of hands on, but not much talking. Handle him, touch him all over…tail, withers, ears, belly, paws, toes, under collar Keep the treats coming so that he makes a connection that being handled, and in fact, human hands, mean something good. Picking him up can be part of the training, too. Obviously, we do not want to reinforce a dominant mindset by rewarding the growl (petting or reassuring) … and we already know that yelling or physical punishment is counterproductive.

At the heart of all other training lies basic, fundamental obedience training; sit, come, stay down … this helps define you as leader in the hierarchy of what the dog views as his pack. In addition, one trainer/author, Colin Tennant, terms defining (or redefining) leadership as “psychological demotion”. I like the term. His method suggestions are not punishments, but rather strategies for teaching the dog that you are in charge. They involve the following points:

1. Ban the dog from your bedroom and any areas he treats as his territory.
2. Do not walk around the dog. Make him get out of your way.
3. No unearned tidbits.
4. Remove all toys and balls. You will decide when he can have them.
5. Do not pet your dog for free. Petting should be earned.
6. Never let the dog go through a doorway before you.
7. Give your dog his food only when you are ready, not when he is asking.
8. Ignore solicitations for affection or attention while reading or watching television, etc. Leaders ignore lower pack members.
9. Teach the dog boundaries in the house. Allow him into your living room, or onto the sofa only when invited, and be sure he leaves the room or gets down when commanded.

(*The above list appears in part in Tennant’s book “Breaking Bad Habits In Dogs” I have paraphrased parts of it.)

In addition, I would recommend adding to this list the use of a rope-type tug toy which you can use to teach a “release” command and a “take it” command. Play low to medium level tug-of-war with the dog. Note: Do not let the dog win at tug-of-war. When the dog growls, stop moving, wait three seconds, give your release command and offer a high level treat in exchange. (I use “thank you” but you could use “release” or whatever you wish.) When the dog releases the toy, treat him, repeating with “good, thank you” (or “good, release”). Wait a few seconds, say “take it” and give the end of the toy back to the dog and then resume tug play. Repeat this exercise over and over. In this manner you are teaching him that he gets rewarded for stopping the growl and releasing the toy, and that he will also get the toy back. Eventually, he will release the toy on command without a treat.

Finally, what to do when he does growl at being picked up? My first approach would be to use redirection. Always have good treats with you. Move four or five feet away from the dog. Gain his attention with the treat, and wait for him to come to you, thus changing his mindset, and then pick him up and treat. Whatever his reason for the growl … dominance, possessiveness of space, whatever … pulling him to you with the use of something he wants acquaints to a follower coming to leader, not the reverse.

Invierno Aqui

2010-01-16T16:07:00.005-06:00

I wrote this little soundtrack piece for an HD video production of winter scenes which is currently being produced by The AVS Group (LaCrosse, WI). "Invierno Aqui" is Spanish, of course, for "winter here". Savvy music lovers will note my admiration for Ry Cooder in composing this piece, and in turn by association, the great Bahamian guitarist Joseph Spence.

Print Sheet Music For Guitar For
"Invierno Aqui"

House Training 101

2010-01-16T09:07:00.001-06:00

Just got an Airedale puppy … potty training tips? – Melissa L.

This method leans heavily on crate training. Since a dog will not use its den for a restroom (unless it is ill or the crate is too big), we can easily train him to eliminate outside as follows:

Exercise the heck out of the pup...outside if possible where you can praise him when he goes. Bring him inside and constantly supervise him in the house for 15 (to 30) minutes. Then, into the crate for 30 minutes and walk away. Then, outside with you for ten minutes on leash. If he doesn't go potty, it’s back into the crate for 30 minutes and repeat. Praise heavily and treat for success. (Dogs need to be rewarded within 2 seconds for associative learning to occur.) After potty success, supervise in house for 15 to 30...etc.

Always directly to outside first thing in the morning, just before bed and after meals or water, and ANY TIME you notice the slightest signal. Give him the benefit of the doubt. NO food or water after 6 p.m.

Most puppies/dogs will easily learn to go outside this way, and by six months of age should be fully house trained. Within a year, they can usually learn to hold it in or some may even go to the door to let you know they need to go.

The reasons that this method fails when it does are obvious. Lack of commitment, lack of consistency, lack of outdoor time with trainer to react immediately with praise, and the worst one... punishing the pup when it goes potty in the house. Dog only learns making potty means misery and they will sneak off and do it away from the human...and learn to fear human. Keep it neutral when he slips and positive when he succeeds and he will learn that going potty for you outside makes you happy, that it means a puppy party...and he will learn to love pleasing you!

As he gets older...you will notice he is more and more able to be trusted in the house. he may slip and have an accident occasionally, but it is important to recognize that when that happens...it is ALWAYS our fault! We are the ones who expect too much too soon...always.

Puppies are like toddlers. They require absolutely constant supervision to help set them up for success. In this way, every waking moment can be a training moment!

Good luck!

Puppy Rough Play

2010-01-14T12:02:00.001-06:00

What to do when lab puppy plays too rough with shih tzu puppy? -- Chris D.

First, be absolutely certain the play is too rough. Puppies often play rough with a purpose and learn many social skills like (all important) bite inhibition through this kind of activity. Since dog life is not a democracy, but rather a hierarchy, pups will be trying to establish an order. Sounds like your lab is showing some dominant behaviors. Be careful here, if the pup shows the same dominant tendencies over you, trouble could be brewing down the road.

If the lab is too rough, the Shih Tzu looks stressed and retreats and the bullying continues, you must step in and restore order as pack leader. You have the ability to gently, physically restrain the lab pup as a last resort if necessary. However, I would first suggest touch without verbal command. (If your correction contains a verbal command, both dogs may think they are being corrected.) Just use two finger tips on the neck to gently push him backward and break his concentration. Be quick and gain his attention. Repeat until he ceases the behavior. Some pups will think you are just playing, but don’t allow this. Furrow your brow and show displeasure. Be assertive and make him stop … gently. When he stops and looks at you in the eye, raise your finger in the air. This hand signal will eventually become his cue to stop and focus on you and await further instruction.

Remember rough play is normal (and noisy) and top dog position should be changing hands during play. If the lesser dog is in misery and being bullied relentlessly, then step in. Also, you should be in charge of when and how long they get to play. There should be a clear end time to the play, enforced by you. You are the boss.

GOOD DOG Debuts Facecbook Fan Page

2010-01-14T11:57:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I started a fan page for Good Dog! which I hope to be a useful resource for advice for people who have questions about training their pooches. We raised almost 70 fans in the first twenty-four hours, and hopefully, they will keep coming!

Since those not on Facebook do not have access to the Good Dog! fan site or the questions and answers, I thought it might be nice to transfer these questions and possible solutions here to the blog. If you are a Facebook subscriber, please visit and become a fan! Just type in "Good Dog! Canine Obedience Consultants" into the search box and press enter. Once you are there, feel free to upload a picture and comment about your own dog and become part of the Good Dog! family.

Once you are a fan, you can receive helpful tips in your news feed, and are free to ask questions about training your dog. I'll do what I can to help!

It didn't take long for the questions to start, so here is the first I received:

My two and a half year old lab barks a lot when someone comes to the door. I'm very hard of hearing, so it it helps me know when someone is at the door, however he keeps barking long after I tell him no. The other problem is that he will take off whenever he's not on a lead to go potty. Here in the city, I want him to stay in the yard. --Tom S.

Yes ... both fairly common issues. Basic obedience starts, of course, with the power of focus training and the power of SIT. If the dog won't pay attention to you, how does he know what you want him to do? He can be taught to sit and watch you on command to await your next instructions. The motivation: really rockin' food reward.

Training the door barking requires a good many practice sessions with willing participants who will come to your door for you. Once in a while just isn't enough to drive it home so he can be conditioned. A series of commands in the situation can be used ... WATCH ME ... SIT ... QUIET ... STAY ... and then eventually your release command (OK?) so that he is free to greet the guests. Takes work, commitment and practice, but it's so nice when it's finally there.

Different in the yard. Different state of mind. Once he is off and running in his current habit, he doesn't acknowledge you calling because the reward of wandering off to send pee-mail is a greater reward than coming back to you. So ... how would he feel if you had a hand full of hot dogs, chicken bits or flank steak? The nose is a powerful tool. So ... same motivation to obey ... slightly different series of commands ... WATCH ME ... SIT ... OK, GO POTTY ... COME ... SIT....

Try Getting a much longer lead ... 30 footer ... so you can gently bring him back on recall. Reward heavily when he does what you ask of him.

Good luck!

Ron Paul: Free Competition In Currency Act

2009-12-12T08:53:00.003-06:00

If you are so inclined, check out Ron Paul's speech from December 9, 2009 introducing this new legislation. You have to like a guy who keeps a sign on his desk that says, "Don't Steal ... The Government Hates Competition".

Introducing The Free Competition In Currency Act

I HATE This Arctic Blast!

2009-12-11T13:20:00.001-06:00

GRRRRRR!

Complaint Department: Poor Little Harris Bank

2009-12-07T14:35:00.004-06:00

So, I headed over to my local bank late this morning to make a deposit into my property tax escrow account and cash in a large jar of quarters which have accumulated over the past few years as a result of emptying my pockets nightly. I’ve been a customer at this bank, now called Harris Bank, in this town of seven hundred people for well over twenty years now, sticking with them through four changes of ownership ( or “swallow ups” if you will), a long standing mortgage, two refinances, four savings accounts and a safe deposit box. The cashiers are my neighbors. Hell, in this town, everybody is your neighbor.

After setting the jar on the counter, Nancy, who used to live literally across the street from me, says, “just so you know, we have to charge now for counting change. Anything over a hundred dollars is five bucks, and over seven hundred, it’s ten.” I could tell she didn’t feel comfortable having to tell me. I nodded an OK, and she took the jar off to the machine.

I was then greeted by Denise, who has worked there ever since I can remember, and I asked, “Since when did this arbitrary new law come down that requires charging a twenty-five year customer to count change with a machine?”

“It’s Harris Bank,” she said, “I know.”

“Hard times in the banking industry? They haven’t made enough off of us in the past couple of decades? I may have to offer them a piece of my mind…and there ain’t too awful much of that to give.”

She laughed, “Would you like the eight hundred number?”

“No, I guess not so much.”

Nancy eventually returned with a total and asked if I wanted cash and I said yes, and then said, “So, I’m kind of stuck here, then. Even if a guy counts it up himself first and brings it in, you still have to run it through the machine again.”

“Yes, that’s right,” she answered.

“But I could bring it in ninety-nine dollar increments and be charged nothing?”

“Right, you could do that. They just don‘t want people hoarding change.”

I laughed out loud because, God forbid, it would be such a travesty if people “hoarded” their pocket change by emptying it into a jar every night, and then tried to exchange it for script when the jar got full. My Lord, the humanity.

The whole thing seems petty and greedy to me. Harris Bank lost a few brownie points today. I know it’s not Nancy or Denise’s fault. Of course it isn’t. It’s some bean-counting nitwit up higher that crunched the averages and realized that if they started charging customers a small fee for something that was previously offered as a courtesy to loyal customers, why, they could make this much more money! And after all, times are hard! I mean, they aren’t AIG, are they? Poor little Harris Bank!

Nancy appealed to me, “Believe me; the counting machine is just the first step. It takes a lot of time and effort to process all that change.”

I’m sorry; I thought that was called having a job. Isn’t that why you call it going to work? Isn't that one of the tasks of the basic bank employee...processing money? Yes, it is, and sometimes it's my money...what little of it is left after taxes and licenses and fees, that is.

Review: Nikon’s P90 Hybrid Point And Shoot

2009-12-03T09:05:00.001-06:00

A new camera...deserves a review:

Time to weigh in on this camera! First, I was pretty surprised at the mixed reviews, most of which I read after ordering my P90. Even the negative posts didn’t scare me though, as I have owned a Coolpix 5700, another “hybrid PNS”, for about six years and have had nothing but great luck with it. (Many thousands of photos later, I still love it.) And, hats off to Nikon … five years into my 5700, it came up lame and Nikon USA fixed it and had it back to me in a week at no charge.

To be fair, I AM a user’s guide reader, which is one thing everyone should be doing with a tool that offers so many features. Once you’ve been through a few manuals, it gets easier to understand. Trust me; your manual is your friend.

The accusation that the P90 takes terrible pictures is absolutely absurd. Incompetent photographers take terrible pictures. The camera is perfectly capable of taking excellent quality pictures that will be satisfying to all but true professionals. There are reasons that those National Geographic shots are so impressive … starting with the fact that few of those photographers are using a three hundred dollar point and shoot for the brunt of their work, and ending with the fact that those people behind the lens are far more trained in photography than the average person, or me for that matter. (And remember, we see the best of their work.)

Getting on with the P90, I am perfectly smitten. The monster LCD screen is just terrific, but it still has a conventional viewfinder with a diopter adjustment. You can switch between the two in an instant with one button. It’s a wonderful camera that has so much control at the fingertips, and can be adjusted so quickly, there really isn’t any reason, aside from user error, that great results can’t be achieved. White balance, exposure compensation, metering, ISO and shooting mode setting are all of general note here, and they are all quick and easy to get to via the menus or the mode dial. And then, a reality check is in order.

White balance used to be corrected with filters on conventional cameras, but now it is done digitally. When you scroll to the white balance menu on the P90 and make a change, feedback is visually immediate on the screen if applicable. For instance, setting it to incandescent will get rid of the orange hue of indoor lights. You should adjust for white balance depending on your shooting situation and think of it each time you shoot.

Exposure compensation is available on the multi-selector with just one push of the button. As you then adjust the exposure by click, again, you see the change on the screen. Although you can also use an auto bracketing feature, I really like this feature when I see the first shot on screen and want to decrease or increase exposure fast and easy.

Four types of metering are available. I happen to like the spot meter for most shooting. One trick (useful with all digital cameras that offer metering) is to meter various things in the shot. You will see the exposure change before your eyes. Metering something dark will lighten the shot or, the reverse, metering something light will darken the shot. For instance, I have two black dogs with white paws and briskets. If I meter their faces directly the shots are always overexposed. I often meter the white brisket by pushing the shutter release button half down and then recompose the shot to take the picture. You can do this in all kinds of shooting situations, provided your subject remains in focus.

As in film photography, the most useful ISO speeds are probably 64 through 400. Expect shots at 800 and 1600 to be digitally noisy, just as they would be grainy in film. Again, the P90 allows for almost instant changing of ISO settings, something you couldn’t do with film.

As for shooting modes, all the standard modes (aperture and shutter priority as well as program auto) are available on the mode dial, including full manual, and lots of other bells and whistles. A good many people will treat the P90 like a pocket camera and just go full auto, which is fine. That will yield many good results. However, for those who are more inclined to an artistic eye or more control, the camera is feature rich enough to offer almost limitless possibilities. And, that is the reason to digest the manual fully. Remember, it’s digital, so you can delete failed shots (and just imagine the waste and money if it was film and prints).

Listen, there are a hundred other added values on the various menus. Voice recording, time lapse movies, continuous shooting at 15 frames per second … blah, blah, blah. I won’t even go there. Suffice it to say that it’s a lot of value for fewer than three hundred bucks.

Now, let’s address the reality check. Much of the hype about the 24X zoom is just that, hype. Few shots can be terrific at full length on a zoom of this quality, so don’t count on using it for bald eagles a quarter mile away, let alone off tripod. As stated above, don’t hope for magazine quality shots at ISO 1600, it just can’t happen. The built-in flash is standard fare. Straight-on flash can be flat and unflattering in portraiture on any camera. It’s also easy to wash out a shot … so expect to bracket if the shot is important to you.

Some have stated that the camera feels cheap because it is so light weight. I actually love that it is light and easy on the neck. Personally, I don’t think it looks or feels “cheap” at all.

Finally, I do have a few minor complaints. I cannot for the life of me understand why Nikon won’t thread these cameras for filters. Sure, most filtering is digital these days, but I would kill sometimes for a polarizing filter and would very much have liked to keep a UV filter on the camera for lens protection, just as I always did on my old conventional cameras. Further, I hate rechargeable batteries. I so wish that they would have gone with AA or AAA batteries which you can always find anywhere.

Having stated that, I am giving the P90 five stars, because it’s been an amazing, wonderful camera for me, and it’s taking some killer good pictures, especially since I took the time to understand its potential. Repeat after me … “the manual is my friend”.

Case Study: Duffer

2009-11-17T09:18:00.003-06:00

For those interested, I am posting a link to my case study regarding a pitbull/hound mix named Duffer, who has some..."issues".

Case Study: Duffer
Prepared by Clay Riness
Good Dog! Canine Obedience Consultants

Meet Willa

2009-10-26T23:42:00.004-05:00

A little footage of Willa's first day of her new life. Merle has a new little sister. She's almost six months old, and we love her already.

The Geography Of Jobs

2009-10-20T16:15:00.003-05:00

A most amazing look at net jobs gained and lost by metropolitan statistical area from 2004 to present. Run the animated map and note when the red takes over. If someone can explain to me how this is Bush's fault, which is no doubt what some will say, I'm all ears.

The Geography Of Jobs
Animated Map

Regina Spektor on SNL

2009-10-12T09:27:00.004-05:00

Ever since I learned "The Call" by Regina, I have been fascinated by her style. Here is her encore performance on SNL last Saturday night (via Hulu). The tune is called "The Calculation". You will have to endure sitting through a 30 second commercial first, but it's worth it.

See? She's got something special.

Amnesty

2009-10-09T09:36:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe we have come to this...

Advice And Wisdom

2009-09-23T10:15:00.007-05:00

Among the many time-wasting things I do in everyday life is maintain a little fan page on Facebook called Rocky The Good Luck Squirrel. It's a page fans can visit and ask for good luck. Long story, which can be read once you get there, but that's not important at the moment.

Recently my almost twenty son, through a series of particularly bad judgment calls, has fallen on some mighty rough times. I won't go into it because I imagine he feels bad enough, and I sincerely pray to God that this has been a final wake up call. Suffice to say, one day I logged on to Rocky and my son had left this message...

Son : "Hey Rocky...I could use a little good luck right now...actually...a lot of it."

I answered as follows...

Rocky The Good Luck Squirrel: "I've never been quite so broken-hearted...to see a promising young man throw so much away in so little time.

Now, you must be told the secret of good luck. True good luck is self-created. It is born of self-determination, of level headedness, of good judgment, of concerned conscience, of hard work and self sacrifice.

There is no magic good luck bean. Get up, work hard, be honorable, keep your nose clean. When you find yourself in the middle of a mess, clean it up and move on. Do not repeat mistakes. Do not confuse luck with fate. These are the secrets to good luck. You make it for yourself.

But, if it makes you feel better...Rocky says you will be visited by good luck soon. And, Rocky certainly hopes that is true."

Chrysler Closings...Punishing Repulicans?

2009-09-13T15:12:00.005-05:00

I was recently given a print out of a story / opinion piece called "Chrysler's Railroad", which claimed that of the 789 dealerships closed by the Feds, a list of dealerships compiled by then Car Czar Steve Rattner, 788 of them had donated money exclusively to Republican political causes.

If this is true, it's a hell of a story, and tells us something pretty unsavory about the current administration. But wait, I'm not going to swallow anything of this sort without looking into it, and you shouldn't either. So let's give it a look, and you can decide for yourself what you think, instead of regurgitating whatever is being crammed down your throat on your side of the aisle.

The original connection was exposed on May 27, 09 by two sources, Newsmax and The Washington Examiner. Why the main stream media hasn't reported the story is befuddling. Or, maybe not. I will be quite honest in saying that I do personally believe that the majority of the main stream media (NBC, ABC, CBS, PBS, NY Times) is in the tank for Obama, and did a great job of getting him elected. That, however, is only my opinion, and it having been said, is not really the focus or the issue at hand. You can crucify me for that later if you disagree. So don't be hatin'.

First, here's a link that will get you to one place that posted "Chrysler's Railroad". You can read it first and then we'll visit the two sources and find out what they had to say when the story broke.

Chrysler's Railroad
From ragingdebate.com

Newsmax is clearly to the right politically, but here's what Ken Timmerman wrote on May 27:

Republican Donors Hit By Chrysler Closings
by Ken Timmerman
From newsmax.com

Note that at the time only 165 Republican donors were identified. Before I believe the aforementioned rumor, I would hope to see later proof that the full 788 dealers were, in fact, exclusively Republican donors.

Here's what The Washington Examiner had to say on May 27:

Furor Grows Over Partisan Car Dealer Closings
by Mark Tapscott
From washingtonexaminer.com

I'm not going to analyze further. I'm still looking for answers. But, now you know what I know. You can decide for yourself.

Oh...The Drama!

2009-08-24T11:42:00.005-05:00

Drama, indeed.

It was brought to my attention today that the Westby Times published an article (August 20, 09) on the so-called "chain of command" issue (a phrase I had not heard until today) between the Coon Valley Village Board and the Coon Valley Park Board. The link below will take you to the article online.

One clarification / correction: if you read the July '09 Park Board Minutes, you can clearly see that NOWHERE did I include the statement "Who’s in charge here and how many bosses do our employees need?" Those words are from the Westby Times, not me. (Also, the term "chain of command" appears nowhere in the minutes. The phrase comes from the Village Board's last meeting's agenda.)

That having been said, it is certainly my view that, although an unpopular idea to some, the Park Board SHOULD be in charge of park decisions. If the Park Board is to be merely a steering committee, then it should be called the Park Steering Committee.

Village Board Returns Power To Coon Valley Park Board
by Dorothy Jasperson, Westby Times

Comfort Food: Creamy Leek Soup

2009-08-23T18:00:00.004-05:00

When not in season, I pass by leeks at the local grocery store like they had some communicable disease. I just won't pay that kind of money for a humble little cousin of the onion. This time of year, however, I can get leeks two, sometimes three for a buck at the local farmers market. That's the kind of coin I like to pay for such produce!

And, what to do with such a thing? Well, try my creamy leek soup recipe, and feel free to make it your own by adding mushrooms, chicken, diced zucchini, sweet red bell peppers, fresh jalapeños... or whatever you think is a good marriage to the recipe. This is a rich, creamy soup, so I serve it in cups (or salsa bowls) instead of big bowls. It's a delicious soup course with a slice of homemade bread. Enjoy!

Creamy Leek Soup

Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 leeks, properly washed and sliced thin
2 cloves garlic, minced fine
2 T butter
2 slices smoky bacon, cooked, cooled and chopped
tsp fresh rosemary, minced
Salt and pepper
32 oz boxed chicken broth
½ cup half and half (or heavy cream)
Parmesan cheese

Sweat the leeks and garlic in a little olive oil until the leeks are soft and translucent. Add butter, bacon, rosemary, chicken broth and salt and pepper to taste. Bring to boil and then reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove from heat and whisk in cream. Serve immediately. Garnish with a few rosemary leaves and a little freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

One Russian's Take

2009-08-21T18:11:00.005-05:00

A stunning article appearing in Pravda, a Russian Newspaper, from last weekend. The article was reprinted with permission in Pravda from Stanislav Mishin's blog. I have provided a link for you to redirect to the online version of the paper and read it in English. Please note that the full article is two pages long and therefore you will have to click to page two at the top of the article to finish it.

Of course, it's an opinion piece. However, it is pretty amazing to hear this coming from Russia, period.

American Capitalism Gone With A Whimper
by Stanislav Mishin

Former Judge Speaks His Mind

2009-08-21T09:57:00.004-05:00

A few days ago the LaCrosse Tribune published a letter to the editor by former LaCrosse County Circuit Court Judge John Perlich:

And You Wonder Why I'm Mad?
By JOHN J. PERLICH / LaCrosse | Posted: Monday, August 17, 2009 8:35 pm

"To Rep. Ron Kind, Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Harry Reid: Let me see whether I've got this right. First you made me give a lot of my money to some people on Wall Street, but you don't know who got it or where it went. Then you made me give more of my money to the people who ran the Wall Street companies into bankruptcy so they could use it to give themselves million-dollar bonuses for the "great" job they did.

Then you told me I had to use my hard earned money to make the mortgage payments for someone else who was "flipping" houses or borrowing 125 percent of the value of the house until the market took a dip.

Then you said I had to use my money to make the down payment for someone else to buy a new car when I can't afford to buy one for myself.

Then you decided to use my money to buy eight big private jets (planes that even the Pentagon, a notoriously "fiscally responsible" organization, says you don't need) for you to fly around instead of using an airline like the rest of us.

Now you want to use your "expertise" to "fix" my health care. You want me to pay someone else's health insurance premium at the same time as you take away my coverage and give me something so bad that you make sure you and your family don't have to sign up for it.

Have I got that right? Yes I think I have.

And you wonder why I'm mad?"

-- On March 19, 2004, LaCrosse County Circuit Court Judge John J. Perlich was awarded the honor of being chosen State Bar of Wisconsin's 2003 Judge of the Year.

Like it or not, the honorable Judge Perlich mirrors the feelings of many Americans who are tired of the arrogance of Congress and want to slow down and discuss health care before blindly signing on to another bill nobody fully understands. Thank you, Mr. Perlich. I couldn't really have said it better if I had tried.

My Aha Moment

2009-08-15T09:33:00.004-05:00

Recently I was asked to participate in Mutual Of Omaha's "My Aha Moment" campaign. Here is the final edited piece:

My Aha Moment: The Blessing Of A Dog

The Other Foot

2009-08-11T10:15:00.012-05:00

I am openly laughing at the moment. It's good to see
what happens when the shoe is on the other foot...

During my lifetime, the political left in this country has made a tradition, if not a career, out of protest and the exercise of first amendment rights. I grew up watching the left organize and protest to change America's direction. I was part of it and many good changes came of it. Today, it appears...it is perfectly acceptable to exercise one's first amendment rights, freedom of speech and assembly among them, that is, as long as it agrees with the agenda of the left. Why, of course, opposing any and every action and thought that the political right takes part in is actually patriotic, because we are supposed to question authority and fear our government and keep these slime ball politicos in check. Right!

But, when the agenda of the left is opposed, protested, and questioned...then the arguably concerned are dirty, filthy right wingers, a planted mob, and according to Speaker Nancy Pelosi..."unamerican". Right!

Behold, the changing of the shoe as it makes its way to the other foot.

Never mind me, but I totally get the outrage and the disgust on the part of those questioning the health care bill, the bailouts, the stimulus bill, and the bleak outlook for my children's generation. I've been saying it a long time now...Congress is arrogant, corrupt and self-serving and needs to be replaced with real public servants. We need term limits. Yeah, they're back-peddling now...now that people are showing up at town hall meetings and screaming back at them. "Slow down. Quit ramrodding this crap down our throats without our input. Who's going to pay for this? Read the bills. You work for us!" It's a beautiful thing...because it's more than just the political right questioning these issues. I love it. I love every unsettling moment of it. Yes, the great United States Congress had better start listening. Mid-term elections are on the way.

An interesting thing happened today when a man in Lebanon, Pennsylvania at a town hall meeting with Congressman Arlan Specter asked the Senator, (my paraphrasing) "If you think America believes so deeply in your health care bill, why don't you put it to a national referendum?" (Todays' Rasmussen poll indicates that 53% of Americans oppose the health care bill while 42% are in favor of it.)

"Well," Specter said, smirking, "there's no provision for that, but I will take that idea back to Washington with me."

Funny, isn't it, that a congress which can introduce and debate any legislation it pleases somehow has "no provision" to consider creating a national referendum? Here you have almost five and a half hundred so-called public servants who could easily do the one thing that would establish what a majority of Americans would want, and yet, there is no provision for that. How about creating and introducing a bill? Yeah, and we can then watch Congress shoot that right down. Dangerous precedent, no doubt. Americans aren't smart enough to make decisions for themselves. We forgot, sorry. Not to worry, since Congress, who apparently is so smart that they don't have to read bills to pass them, surely knows what is best for us.

And, if We The Tea-bagging People decide to protest, show outrage, disagree...and ask our Congressmen, our public servants, our representatives, to read the bills before voting on them...somehow we are "unamerican", divisive, hateful, unfair "Nazis" in the view of the left. Sorry, but may I remind you that nobody on the left moaned and whined when people assembled, screamed, yelled, questioned and protested the Patriot act, the Iraq war, or any other of Bush's constitutional shredding. Of course not, it was all contained in the left agenda. But, the shoe is on the other foot now, isn't it?

Americans are starting to have some serious reservations about this approach to health care reform, myself included. But again, never mind me. I'm just a simple-minded "tea-bagger" who feels that we certainly need to reform health care, yes. However, I will not support one single congressman, of either party, who is unwilling to do his or her job and actually read the bill, attaining at least a minimal understanding of its potential long-term effects, good or bad. And, I will not support this version of health care reform. That's what I must do. I am a Congress-bashing libertarian and I became one because neither major political party could speak for me anymore. Sound familiar?

Uh huh, and you thought I was just bashing the left. For shame. That would be "unamerican", right Nancy?

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2009-08-08T21:10:00.001-05:00

Fantastic music from the Ukulele Orchestra Of Great Britain!

Classic SNL

2009-08-04T09:34:00.000-05:00

The Problem With Congress

2009-07-29T08:04:00.004-05:00

Could you all just stop voting party lines and do your jobs, please?

This should infuriate every American. Another bill, this one 1017 pages long, that Conyers will not read before voting on. And, he's not alone. Most Congressmen will not read the bill either, in spite of the fact they are hired to understand what they are signing or not signing into law. Conyers and every other knucklehead in Congress who is too lazy (or too partisan) to pay attention to the responsibilities of the job they were elected to should be fired.

Mr. Conyers! I know this is difficult for you, so take a couple of days and hire the lawyers. You have the money. It's the money we pay you. And, it's your job.

I Believe

2009-07-23T09:23:00.023-05:00

OK...so I am a newbie at calling myself a dog trainer. I have processed and am continuing to devour thousands of pages of writings from the various camps of philosophy in the dog training world. A recent discussion with an old friend included her telling me, "You're a Renaissance man." Nah...not hardly. Let's be clear. I am not a Renaissance man. What I am is driven. I'm someone who, when putting my mind to something, dives in head first and follows through. I am always consumed by new ventures like this. Driven.

There comes a seminal moment, a point in your time line, when you know it is time, and you must walk through the door of change. Or rather, begin to believe in yourself as something new. This was certainly true in my fly fishing days. I was hooked and I began, by invitation, helping instruct anglers in some fly fishing schools. I was consumed with everything about fly fishing and trout and spring creeks and casting and I'll tell you, I bought and read so many books and watched so many videos that it would have glazed your eyes over. And, I fished...every day.

At one point, after having done a number of successful guided trips, I realized that I was not only capable of guiding and instruction, but that I was a guide and instructor. One day, I just starting being a guide, and started thinking of myself as one. I began to market my business and over the next eleven years, I made a good living and a good name as a trout guide, instructor and outdoor writer. Of course, I am no longer doing that. I got my fill of it after more than a decade and was ready to move on to other pursuits, in need of a change.

It's the same today. I'm consumed with dog psychology and I had my seminal moment. I finally had to ask myself what was holding me back from being a trainer, or thinking of myself as one. The answer was...nothing. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, to lose. So, what qualifies me to be a trainer? Probably nothing official. I have no paper in a frame on my wall. I just believe I can do it and that I have a way with dogs their people. Like fly fishing, this venture is as much about teaching people as anything. The difference is that the focus is on the well being of dogs.

There are proving to be some troubling moments. I have been looking at all manner of resources related to training and it appears that various camps hold some rather vitriolic and disrespectful feelings toward one another. One author says that any two trainers will always agree on one thing...that the third trainer is wrong. (That's not unlike fly fishing instruction, to be honest.)

The lure/reward model, which is based heavily on reward and positive feedback, has been in fashion for some decades. This is the approach of the great trainer Ian Dunbar and television celebrity Victoria Stilwell (It's Me Or The Dog). Clearly, in the right trainer's hands, this model works for many, many...and some think any dog.

The original dominance model was popular before lure/reward. Cesar Millan subscribes to a newer form of that type of philosophy, but is quite soft-handed compared to the original model. Of course, his model subscribes to the belief that we must be calmly dominant over the dog, or as Cesar advises, its pack leader. Essentially, it's about teaching the dog to follow our direction though leadership, and our approval or disapproval of actions through body language and energy, based on dog psychology and pack mentality. And again, in the right trainer's hands, it works. What Cesar does (with troubled dogs in particular) with regards to their rehabilitation is nothing less than amazing...even if we are forced to view it in a Hollywood sound bite sort of way.

Both camps agree on a number of things. Hitting and yelling is wrong. Heavy handedness is wrong. Bending a dog's will through fear is wrong. Breaking a dog's spirit is wrong. Every dog is different, unique. The well being and welfare of the dog should always come first. The list goes on.

Why then, can they not find common ground? Is the dominance model void of reward, praise or positive feedback? Of course not. Does the lure/reward model suggest that one should allow the dog to run helter skelter without the slightest correction? Of course not. So...why the mudslinging? Both approaches, when properly administered, will work nicely.

I tell you truthfully, anyone who says that my Merle respects me only because he fears me, and that he is unhappy and unfulfilled because my position is dominant over his deserves a punch right in the nose. I have never raised a hand to him nor yelled at him. I reward him with plenty of treats, affection and praise when he has earned it, which is often. I keep him physically fit and mentally challenged every day, and he goes everywhere with me because he is balanced and socialized to the hilt. He is most eager to follow me and please me. Call him unhappy, go ahead. I dare you.

Of course, being a trainer is more than just having a good dog, isn't it? Ian Dunbar has impressive credentials from years of formal education while Cesar does not. I view both of them as amazing trainers with a lifetime of experience. But, surely there must be a few highly educated trainers who do not possess the instinct, the touch and the gift of communicating with dogs. And, surely there are people similar to Cesar Millan who are driven by instinct and experience that would not be negatively impacted by additional or formal education.

I don't know. I'm just bringing it all together myself. Trying to keep an open mind. It's troubling to hear people accuse Millan of barbaric behavior, or that he has set dog training back thirty years. It makes sense to me that dogs are hard-wired to follow and that they are born with a pack mentality. It makes sense to follow the cues of nature, to observe the energy of the hierarchy of a dog pack and see how non-verbal communication rules the day. It also makes sense to use reward as a motivation and to teach through positive reinforcement.

Maybe I'm just too new to all of this, but it seems to me that both camps have more in common than they think. If they would study each other with an open mind, and try and "stop the two trainers from constantly criticizing the third", maybe they could be putting the well being of the dog where it belongs...in first place.

Hmmm. All of this new information stewing, braising slow and low in that covered cookware known as my mind. It's the kind of thing a dog trainer should be considering. And so, I believe, and therefore, I am.

I Remember The Moon

2009-07-19T08:20:00.007-05:00

It was all things moon back then. I was almost eleven years old when Neil and Buzz set mankind's first feet on the dust of the moonscape. No, it wasn't in a television studio or a conspiracy to cover something up, as some kooks still insist. It was the moon...and it was for real. The entire world seemed to be watching, an estimated 600 million people, as the US, in one breathtaking moment, won the space race hands down. In our house, we were certainly glued to that old black and white set, watching those blurry, haunting images and wondering what it must have felt like to be there, looking back here, as our footprints were set in the annals of history, in the dust of a place humans had watched but never walked before.

And, it was a bold move that defied all odds. We did it by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins. When it was said that those men had "the right stuff"...boy, they weren't kidding. Fearless bastards, they were. I guess when I was eleven, I didn't fully realize just how much. I can't remember if Uncle Walter told us, but when Armstrong and Aldrin set the lunar module down, they were a full four miles off course with about 30 seconds of fuel left. Another half a minute, or an outcropping of jaggedness, and the whole thing could have made them into a historical tragedy instead of a celebration. But I swear, they never flinched.

Back here, for a kid like me, being an American boy was all about the moon. I remained woefully, yet triumphantly ignorant about the tumultuous times. The Russian menace, Vietnam, Nixon, hippies...that was territory for my parents to worry about. I went about my business of fascination with all things moon, playing with action astronaut figures like "Major Matt Mason", and assembling hobby models of the lunar module, and studying a wall poster in my bedroom which had magical names on it like "Sea Of Tranquility".

One of my favorite things was a post card my Aunt Chris had sent to me, featuring a color three dimensional image of Armstrong on the moon, standing next to the lunar module with his hand on the pole of the American flag he had just planted. When you turned the post card, the flag would twitter to and fro, as if there were a light, Caribbean breeze on the moon. We knew from Uncle Walter that there was no Earth-type breeze on the moon, but the way that flag moved on the post card, I didn't care. I could believe that it was possible. If men could go there and land a ship and we could hear them talking to us from all that distance away, and actually see them walking around in bulky, white space suits...then surely God could create a light breeze for something as innocent as a post card. Sweet, holy manifest destiny...it was...the moon! All we could do was shake our heads and be proud.

So it's been 40 years. I'm glad is was alive...and almost eleven...when all that happened. We spent a few decades forgetting how important it was, and how proud it made us feel. But, this week, all that came gushing back to me. I went outside last night to take in a gulp of that moon, but the sky was overcast.

No matter. Like my sense of wonder and pride and the amazing memories of those events of 1969...it's still there.

Beware The Wienermobile

2009-07-18T08:40:00.008-05:00

MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. — One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.

Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued.

Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover.

Police hadn't been able to speak to the homeowner as of early Friday evening.

AH...the Wienermobile. I remember it coming to Prairie du Chien, to the Piggly Wiggly store when I was a little kid. They gave away whistles to all the kids that looked like little Wienermmobiles. Somehow, it's hard to envision the Wienermobile as a dangerous projectile. I guess, if you have to have a story about somone crashing into your home...you really can't get a whole lot more unique than being able to say,

"Yeah, the Wienermobile crashed into my house yesterday. Boy, are we having a major cookout on Sunday...we're kind of rich in hot dogs as of late, you know. Wanna come?"

And...how would you like to be the woman who was piloting this phallic urban assault vehicle? For the rest of her life she'll be stigmatized as that "Wienermobile Woman".

There's a little place up near Holmen called Mark's Meats. A little smokehouse out in the country that makes the best wieners I've ever eaten. Oscar Mayer would be forced kneel at the feet of Mark's greatness. The corporate model would fall and crumble under the perfection of the perfect wiener...the Goliath would be slain by the David.

Although Mark probably has no clue that I am a big, big fan of his, I would be willing to drive the Marksmeatsmobile. It would just be a little used sub-compact...but I could, no doubt, turn around in someone's driveway without the need to extricate it from their domicile.

A Little Shingle

2009-07-17T12:10:00.003-05:00

I sent this email to a few friends this morning:

Hi All,

I bring news. I’ve been doing a lot of studying lately…and working joyfully with a lot of dogs. Obedience training, that is. It really started with Merle, and then expanded to include the neighbor’s dogs and on from there. But, I’ve discovered two things. Dogs are a greater gift to me than I had ever imagined, and, I seem to have been blessed with a gift to work with them.

My neighbors and friends have been urging me to consider starting a little dog training business on the side. I’ll admit, they got me thinking hard on it. I wouldn’t walk away from my career music services, not one bit. However, as a lifelong teacher… of music, fly fishing and more, I feel that teaching people how to work with their dogs would be just one more enjoyable egg in my basket, and a very rewarding one at that.

So, as of this week, I‘m hanging a little shingle out. My new endeavor will be called “Good Dog! Canine Obedience Consultants”. And, I will be available to help clients train, handle, offer proper direction to, and further bond with their dogs. If my neighbors are right, it should be a beautiful thing.

What can I say? I placed an ad on Craigslist. Reasonable rates…I’ll come to the client for a consult. So, help me spread the word. Hey, I’m a trainer! Whoa! -- Clay

And...here is the ad I placed on Craigslist:

"Is your dog rude? Unruly? Doesn’t listen?

Consider having an obedience consultant come to your home, assess your dog’s behavior and help teach you how to improve your dog’s manners. “Good Dog! Canine Obedience Consultants” will help you understand your dog better and help you learn to provide the right leadership! You’ll get results at affordable rates, and your dog will be much happier and balanced!

Basic obedience training is the foundation of a well-mannered and socialized dog, and at the heart of basic obedience training is you, and how your dog perceives YOU! You can’t fool a dog. He either respects you and your direction or he doesn’t. (We’re not talking about fearing you…we’re talking about respecting you.) How do you get your dog to respect you? Well, every single dog is different, so differences in breed, personality and lifestyle must be taken into consideration. Not to worry. We’ll work through it with you!

Enjoy your dog’s improved behavior. That’s what we’re here for. We’ll help you forge a closer bond with your beloved companion. And, teach you how to maintain a well-mannered dog that everyone loves. Discover the joy and pride of hearing your guests say “Wow, what a good dog!”

So...now you know the latest news from me. Just another day, I guess.

Comfort Food: Red Raspberry Cobbler

2009-07-12T15:05:00.007-05:00

This morning, I updated my Facebook status to read: "Every time I mow I curse those damned invasive red raspberry bushes that Vicki dug up and brought home. Not today. Fresh red raspberry cobbler for breakfast."

It's been a great year for the berries. Usually I don't get many of them because my daughter is out there chucking them in her craw faster than she can pick them. But, yesterday she and I went out and filled a couple of good containers with tart, fresh berries...and I figured it was time to indulge and make a cobbler. Sound delicious? You bet it is. Here's my recipe...enjoy!

Red Raspberry Cobbler

5 to 6 cups fresh red raspberries
¾ cup sugar
2 T corn starch
sour cream cobbler biscuit dough (see below)
2 T melted butter
Brown sugar to top
Vanilla Ice Cream (to serve with)

Combine berries, sugar and cornstarch and gently fold to combine. Let stand for 15 minutes. Pour into enameled cast iron Dutch oven. (I use a 2.75 quart Le Creuset.) Top with biscuit dough, brush with melted butter and sprinkle generously with brown sugar. Bake uncovered at 350-375 in lower rack of oven for 45 to 55 minutes. Remove and let cool completely to room temperature before serving…so it sets up.

To serve, spoon a portion into a microwavable bowl and microwave for 30 to 45 seconds to reheat. Top with 2 scoops vanilla ice cream.

Sour Cream Cobbler Biscuit Dough:

1 ¾ cups flour
½ t salt
¾ t baking powder
¼ t baking soda
6 T cold butter
½ cup sour cream
¼ cup cream

Whisk together sour cream and cream in a small bowl. Set aside briefly.

In large mixing bowl, combine dry ingredients and whisk together well. Add cold butter and cut in until chunks are about pea size. Add creams and bring together with a fork. Turn out dough onto a flour dusted board. Dust the top of the dough and your hands and press the dough into a round shape the size of the Dutch oven. Use a pizza peel to transfer to the top of the berries. (The dough is fairly dry, so deliver any remaining crumbles to the top of the dough once it’s on the berries.)

Sunday's Paper: Little Black Dress!

2009-07-12T09:29:00.003-05:00

As promotion for our upcoming CD release reception, our friend Geri Parlin at the LaCrosse Tribune interviewed Terry and I this past week, and today's Trib featured us on the cover of the Live! section.

Go take a read!

Local Musicians Release CD Of Their Work
by
Geri Parlin

Southwest Wisconsin Lyme Alert

2009-07-10T10:52:00.007-05:00

Just another dog thought...

Yesterday our dear friend and mobile vet Elayne came to the house to update Merle on his vaccinations. During her visit she recommended that we do a quick test for Lyme disease, a tick born illness that can eventually prove fatal if not treated. She told us that this is the worst year ever, and that countless dogs that have been vaccinated for Lyme are still testing positive.

Merle had been vaccinated for Lyme about six months prior, and he was showing absolutely no signs of stiffness, pain, lethargy or lameness. But, for twenty-eight bucks, I thought following my vet's suggestion was worth it. Sure enough, Merle came up positive and today he starts four weeks of antibiotic treatment.

I do have Merle out of doors every day, up to the springs, and chasing after his flying disc in the big alfalfa fields outside of town. And no doubt, our cabin property is crawling with ticks. That's why I absolutely must have him vaccinated for Lyme and on Frontline...religiously. Now, I think we'll have to test for it often anyway, since a dog can contract the disease again from another bite, even after successful treatment.

Lyme used to be solely acquainted with the Ixodes deer tick, a vampire so small that it fits on the head of a pin and is almost hard to notice even when engorged. During my last research I discovered that about one of four deer ticks carried the Lyme spirochete. According to Elayne, now the common wood tick and brown dog tick are also carrying the virus to some extent.

If you think your dog is immune, you may have to rethink that. Here in Southwest Wisconsin, unless your dog is always indoors and never has contact with the out of doors, it's at risk. One sobering thought for you...the last time I was up until midnight enjoying a little fire in my fire pit...in my mowed yard...in town...I came indoors and found a tick crawling it's way up my arm. Merle was with me, laying in the grass the whole evening. You can only imagine what was crawling on him.

Remember that Frontline will kill the ticks, but only after they have bitten your dog. Vaccination for Lyme is a good idea, but not 100% effective. So, my friends, if you live in Southwest Wisconsin, please, have your best buddy tested this summer.

Cesar Millan...Angel Or Devil?

2009-07-10T09:16:00.005-05:00

As some of you know, I have had tremendous and amazing success with my rescue dog Merle using Cesar Millan's "pack leadership" philosophy. And, while I am certainly willing to admit that there are various successful approaches to training dogs, I can only tell you that Cesar's way changed me and my family and made for an exceptional and balanced dog who does not fear us, but rather respects our calm, assertive leadership. Because of Millan's training techniques, I have a dog which goes everywhere with me, even to work every day, and is loved and welcomed by all who meet him.

Enter the naysayers. I found this most interesting article and digested it with care. If you have a good, burly mug of coffee and some free time, and are interested in dog training and psychology, then this entry is for you. I don't want to pass judgment on or project the slightest negativity toward the expertise, experience and impressive credentials of Ian Dunbar, who I totally respect. Dunbar simply uses a different approach that clearly works!

What bothers me about this article is how Louise Rafkin seems to be set out to vilify Millan and his (also) successful techniques. It's a fascinating read...but in the end, it appears that the piece is designed more to attack Millan than anything. It's almost as if there is an underlying sense of jealousy involved on her part.

At any rate, if it sounds interesting, please follow the link to the article and take the time to read some of the many comments that were left. Many of them make the experience even more worthwhile.

The Anti-Cesar Millan
by
Louise Rafkin
San Fransisco Chronicle
October 15, 2006

CraigsList...Not Perfect

2009-07-09T10:48:00.003-05:00

Recently someone encouraged me to post on CraigsList and advertise my guitar / music lessons. It sounded logical and it was free, so I did. Immediately I began to get responses! How exciting!

Until I opened up the first ten responses...

It seems that about one of every fifty responses is a legitimate query regarding music lessons. Everything else is a solicitation to sell me something. "Do you need income?" ... "Still looking for work?" ..."Looking for opportunities?"..."Blah blah blah blah?" Yes...sometimes ten a day.

I loathe the low life nit wits who send these responses...wasting my time and resources. Can anyone tell me how to track these people down so I can physically remove their eyebrows with my fists and a dull spoon?

A Most Rewarding July 4th

2009-07-06T08:51:00.014-05:00

It's a Unity House thing. Ever since Merle and I started visiting Unity House For Women for music and dog therapy...well...I've been making friends. I am guilty of attaching myself easily to these remarkable girls. (Ages ranging from 18 to whatever...) Some of them have very little positive experience with men in general. But, they seem to understand from the onset that I pass no judgment on them regarding their addictions and recovery. I am just there to be myself and be company, comic relief, entertainment, a willing ear or whatever else comes naturally. Needless to say, they adore Merle.

One of my Unity House beauties is a complete natural in the culinary department. She was even accepted to a prestigious culinary institute but never went. At the time, I suppose, it would have interfered with her drinking. She has an amazing mojo in the kitchen, a sense of how flavors and textures pair and marry. I've watched her cook, using the crappy, dull, serrated knives that are there at Unity House, and still turn out remarkable dishes off the cuff...white lasagna, Tai soup, banana applesauce bread. All amazing.

I have told her that she has great potential to be a chef, and that she could easily have (or make her own) work for the rest of her life, and that as long as she can keep the glass of wine off the cutting board, she could transfer a very destructive addiction over to a very positive one, and have a damn good vocation at that.

One day, I stopped at TJ Max on the way home from the North side and found myself in the kitchen department looking at a display of knives. There, in front of me, was one of my favorite workhorse Santoku knives...a most beloved tool which I had paid $70 for, all packaged up and on sale for an amazing $20. At that moment God Himself simply slapped me on the back of the head and said "Hello? Can you think of anybody?" I grabbed the knife, checked out and made directly for Unity House.

She wasn't there when I arrived. She was on a visit somewhere. So, I put the knife in a gift bag and left a note explaining that sometimes opportunity presents itself and that every budding chef needs a good workhorse knife and that it was a gift. When she returned, the staff presented it to her and, well, she loved it. And, I hope, she loved that someone believed in her enough to do something like that for her.

We had been talking about cooking together sometime, but of course, a stay at Unity House is not forever, so I was feeling like I'd better make a plan before someone didn't think I was a man of my word. I had to be in LaCrosse for my daughter's martial arts exhibition on the noon hour of the fourth of July. It was a prefect opportunity to drop over to Unity House afterward so she and I could get to the business of being culinary geniuses.

I took a big box of my kitchen tools, a good cutting board, a few whole grains and some herbs and spices. I dropped the goods off and she and I then went to the local food co-op for some fresh produce and ingredients, and loaded up on goodies.

And then, we went to town. We cooked for all the girls and staff and we just kept the dishes coming. It was an all day food fest. We served up fried plantains, black muscles steamed open in a garlic creme sauce, fresh guacamole with chips, asparagus brie soup, fresh Argentine corn salad, a whole grain salad with quinoa, barley, golden raisins, cashews, green onions and a fresh lemon vinaigrette, grilled zucchini salad with feta, and spicy-rubbed grilled beef steak and pork steak. It was a full, day long menu.

Many of these flavors were new to the girls. The plantains were a hit, and the muscles, while raising a few eyebrows upon presentation, were the cause of much pleasure groaning. They were absolutely succulent! Even our resident vegan girl found plenty to relish with all the salads. Some had never heard of plantains or quinoa. Some had never even tried barley. The beef and pork was a little spicy for my budding sous chef, but just right for some others. Everyone loved the freshness of the Argentine salad. Food...what a way to bring people together.

Cooking with my new sous chef was a wonderful time. We chopped, heated, tossed and talked and she learned a few new things about food and cooking and I learned a few new things about her. In the end, there were so many thanks, I couldn't have put them all in a large tote bag. The fact that I had come to cook with them, and for them, was clearly appreciated. Someone asked me why I wasn't home cooking for my family on this holiday Saturday. I said that I had cooked for them last night, and that I would cook for them tomorrow night and that today, I was cooking for my other family. I would make it home in plenty of time to spend some good evening time with my wife, daughter and dog.

Plenty of hugs all around at the end of it. If this is the reason I can't seem to drop a few pounds, I'm guessing it's worth it.

Tragedy, But Not Rocket Science

2009-07-02T12:24:00.002-05:00

In the news today, the tragic story of a two year old girl found in the clutches of an eight foot "pet" python. Yes, she was gone.

I have no grind with people wanting exotic pets, snakes included. As a kid I captured, kept, played with and released many snakes. One summer, I had over thirty indigenous snakes in my collection (none of which was a predator big enough to constrict the life out of a child...but every one of them enough to scare the life out of my mother.) But, please, this is not rocket science. Is it not negligent to have a gigantic constrictor in your home when you have a tiny child? Shouldn't one be asking two fundamental questions? 1.) What if he gets out? 2.) Could he harm the baby?

I don't know. You decide for yourself. I believe the snake's owner (boyfriend of the girl's mother), and perhaps the mother, will be brought up on charges for this. And, I'm not sure I would disagree with the prosecution on this one. Read what follows and see what you think.

Escaped "Pet" Python Strangles Florida Child
(by Mike Schneider, Associated Press)

OXFORD, Fla. – A pet Burmese python measuring more than 8 feet long broke out of a terrarium and strangled a 2-year-old girl in her bedroom Wednesday at a central Florida home, authorities said. Shaiunna Hare was already dead when paramedics arrived at about 10 a.m., Lt. Bobby Caruthers of the Sumter County Sheriff's Office said.

Charles Jason Darnell, the snake's owner and the boyfriend of Shaiunna's mother, discovered the snake missing from its terrarium and went to the girl's room, where he found it on the girl and bite marks on her head, Caruthers said. Darnell, 32, stabbed the snake until he was able to pry the child away.

"The baby's dead!" a sobbing caller from the house screamed to a 911 dispatcher in a recording. "Our stupid snake got out in the middle of the night and strangled the baby. She got out of the cage last night and got into the baby's crib and strangled her to death."

Authorities removed the snake from the home Wednesday afternoon after obtaining a search warrant. Once outside the small, tan home, bordered by cow pastures, the snake was placed in a bag then inside a dog crate. The snake was still alive.

Darnell did not have a permit for the snake, which would be a second-degree misdemeanor, said Joy Hill, a spokeswoman with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. He has not been charged, but Caruthers said investigators were looking into whether there was child neglect or if any other laws were broken. Hill said the snake will be placed with someone who has a permit, pending an investigation into the girl's death.

The Humane Society of the United States said including Wednesday's death, at least 12 people have been killed in the U.S. by pet pythons since 1980, including five children.

Burmese pythons are not native to Florida, but they easily survive in the state and can reach a length of 26 feet and weigh more than 200 pounds.

Some owners have freed pythons into the wild and a population of them has taken hold in the Everglades. One killed an alligator and then burst when it tried to eat it. Scientists also speculate a bevy of Burmese pythons escaped in 1992 from pet shops battered by Hurricane Andrew and have been reproducing since.

"It's becoming more and more of a problem, perhaps no fault of the animal, more a fault of the human," said Jorge Pino, a state wildlife commission spokesman. "People purchase these animals when they're small. When they grow, they either can't control them or release them."

George Van Horn, owner of Reptile World Serpentarium in St. Cloud, said the strangulation could have occurred because the snake felt threatened or because it thought the child was food. "They are always operating on instinct," he said. "Even the largest person can become overpowered by a python."

Current Thoughts On Our Park

2009-07-01T17:05:00.006-05:00

Here is a letter that I wrote to my community which was mailed to each household. It is a call to arms for those of us who love the local park...

Current Thoughts On Our Park
by
Clay Riness
Secretary, Coon Valley Park Board

Dearest Friends,

Many of us take tremendous pride in, and truly love, our little park. There is much to be proud of. If you look around the area at other municipal parks, the Coon Valley Park wins, hands down, on all counts. Part of the source of that pride is that the park is our gift to each other, to the community as a whole, and to the general public. What a precious gift it is to offer the world!

Not surprisingly, the budget for our park is very small, and is sliced out of the local property tax base. Once the budget is used up in a fiscal year, there is no more. So, when the park needs additional funding for something like repairs or maintenance, no further tax monies are or can be made available. But, this may be a beautiful thing, because the best and most endearing things can happen in the private sector. Grassroots efforts not only work, but they bring community together.

That having been said, we are currently discussing ideas about raising additional funds for the park budget through private fundraising efforts, and we would welcome your suggestions and input. Some examples of private sector funding might include:

selling food products (or other stuff) door to door (like the kids do for school)
seeking sponsors in the business community to offer small grants in exchange for sponsorship ads…like sponsoring a bench
benefit events such as concerts, dances or plays in the park where donations for admission are requested
bake sales, craft sales, etc
a community pot luck which invites you to bring a dish and then offer a small monetary donation. In effect, a village picnic.
a village flea market in the park in which proceeds are donated
a five mile walk/run (or longer bike ride) in which participants get sponsors

These are just a few of the initial ideas that came up, but we’re certainly not limited to them. We really want to know what kind of clever ideas you might have!

Of course, anything of this sort requires volunteerism and a certain amount of personal sacrifice. But, don’t be afraid to tell us if you would be interested in participating, but don’t have a great deal of time to offer. Grassroots efforts such as this are about finding your own place, be it bigger or smaller, in the scheme of things. All that’s really required is that you love the park and want to help. Your level of involvement will be accommodated with utmost respect.

Guaranteeing the future of the park also means getting our children involved. Since the park is every bit as much for kids as it is adults, this provides an awesome opportunity for parents and children to cut out a little time together to enjoy the park, discuss how special it is to the community and then share a little time helping to keep it healthy and ensure its future. It’s an excellent chance to teach a sense of community, pride and family…and also a sense of environmental stewardship.

Another goal is to rekindle interest and participation in the local Garden Club, which has waned somewhat in recent years. If we can organize a flower, tree, shrub and /or hosta drive and raise donated plants, it would be wonderful to have a group of garden-loving, park-loving volunteers who could get together, perhaps involve their kids, and get things planted. Your ideas in this regard are also welcome. Would anyone like to attend a future Park Board meeting and discuss the Garden Club?

Maybe you enjoy using the walk path as part of your daily fitness plan. Maybe you enjoy the state-of-the-art ball field by participating in tournaments or watching your kids play ball. Perhaps you enjoy the tennis court or basketball hoops or enjoy swimming in the icy-cold swimming hole or fishing for trout right down the street. Every now and then, maybe you enjoy one of the numerous picnic tables for a relaxing outdoor lunch with out-of-town friends, or just appreciate sitting on a comfortable bench in the shade with your dog. In any case, we welcome all to reap the benefits of our beautiful little park. It is my hope that those of you who do, and those of you who love it the way I do, will help us to ensure its future by offering your support, ideas, energy and your donation of time, items and…I have to say it…money. It doesn’t have to be much. Every bit helps.

Feel free to contact me with your comments, ideas or donations, please! (If you're reading this you can leave a comment here on the blog.)

Thank you for your time and consideration. Remember…just one good idea might double, or even triple the budget! Won’t you join us?

Sincerely,

Clay Riness
Secretary
Coon Valley Park Board

(Note: If you submit commentary on this posting, please have the to courage to sign your name at the end of your comment. As editor and administrator of this blog, I reserve the right to delete your comments if they are not signed. I'll have no further accusations and name calling unless you are willing to take credit for your writing. Opinions and healthy debate are welcome. Let's keep it at a respectful, civil level, please. )

Lemons, Lemonade, And Rocky

2009-07-01T10:54:00.011-05:00

Everyone knows the old maxim about making lemonade if you're given lemons. In other words, you make something sweet out of something sour. Yah, yah, I know. There's a good deal of lemons about today.

Farrah lost her long battle with cancer, which we knew was coming. However, she got about ninety minutes of news coverage until Michael Jackson stepped in and died. Jackson was my age exactly...and I remember marveling at his talent when I was just a kid, thinking that he was the same age as me, and that that was really something, him being so talented. He was to be easily admired, and was actually black then. I don't have to tell the world that he got weird as he got older. We all noticed it. Maybe that's why I am so nauseated that the media is canonizing him as we speak. When the first talking head compared him to JFK, I rolled my eyes and laughed out loud. When a subsequent one paralleled him to Mozart, I just about threw up my breakfast. It was news the first day. Everything after the first twenty-four hours of coverage became exploitation.

Day four: "Breaking news, Michael Jackson, still dead. Tune in at five for more coverage."

As of yesterday, we hear, two unrelated individuals have committed suicide because of Jackson's death. This doesn't really bother me, though. People like that probably don't belong in the gene pool. Someone maybe should have filled them in on making lemonade, I suppose.

I guess I am not in the camp that feels that the invention of the Moonwalk, grabbing the crotch and hooting like a stoned owl, or even laying claim to the best selling album of all time necessarily makes him a musical genius. Mozart was a genius. Vivaldi was a genius. Einstein was a genius. MJ? Not so much. I'll not get into the sordid details outside his musical history...the arguable pedophilia, the misuse of drugs for self medication, the desire to be something other than African American...or grown up. Suffice to say, I don't have a problem at all giving the man his due for his musical achievements, but to elevate him to personal God-like status as a whole...well...I can't wrap myself around that.

Then, as lemons go, the annoying pitch man Billy Mays fell victim to cardiac arrest and died just a few days after Jackson's death. It was buried beneath the cloak of "all things holy gloved one", but it did get more press than Farrah. I have never made my disdain for Mays a secret. I've even written about it. I hate those screaming commercials and bullshit products. However, I do offer my prayers to his family. One might ask what the lemon is in this case? Come on! Mays was just two years older than I and looked a lot like me...thick in the middle, round in the face. It's just another reminder that I could simply drop over any time.

Another thing hidden in a thin little layer underneath the media frenzy over Jackson was the quiet, late night passing of the greatest tax increase in the history of the world in the U.S. House Of Representatives...The Cap And Trade Bill. OK...my President told me my taxes would not go up. But, he will sign this into law if it passes the Senate, and that's no secret. If this isn't Orwell, I can't imagine what is. I am learning that what my President says is often exactly the opposite of what he means. It's classic doublespeak. Not a single Obambie friend of mine will admit it, though. Why, they are so ecstatic to have Bush gone that even breaking his most fundamental promises can be overlooked. Damn, this lemon is mighty sour.

But, perhaps the most sour of the lemons is the Al Franken lemon. It isn't just that Franken is about as senatorial as a steeping pile of fish heads, but that he is so partisan, so mean, and so hateful. Worse, Franken's victory, which we knew would come about as they eventually found a way to crunch the numbers in his favor and win the war of attrition, brings the senate democrats to a super-majority. Not even a filibuster can phase the direction of the left wing. So, the farthest left of the democrat vision can move forward without checks and balances. As a Libertarian, this troubles me. However, oddly, it may be the recipe for lemonade. During the Carter years, the last time the democrat vision was left unfettered, it failed miserably and paved the way for the Reagan legacy. Keep those lemonade ingredients handy.

On the home front, I began a war with a squirrel. It looked to be the next lemon. I bought a bird feeder over the winter and hung it in front of my big picture window, just inches from the glass. Filled it with nice, delicious black sunflower seed, I did. Up until this week, no squirrel had been able to figure out how to get to it. I just enjoyed the birds. Well, this week a resourceful yearling squirrel got to it, and the war began.

First instinct: chase him off. We did. He came back. One morning, we chased him off fifteen times before 9:00 a.m. Each time, my blood pressure would rise and I would feel the hate.

Second instinct: shoot him. Nothing wrong with stewed squirrel...not one thing. I ain't no PETA nut case. I like squirrel in the pot. But...we are in town, of course. Probably shouldn't go discharging firearms in the front yard.

Third instinct: adopt a squirrel. I figured, if we kept the feeder full, he wouldn't get destructive and chew it open for the dregs. In fact, in a moment which can only be described as a true epiphany, I realized that I could turn this around and have a lot of fun with it. I could make lemonade! I mean, exactly why do we love the birds but hate the squirrels? Is it just because the thing we fill is called a "bird" feeder?

When I said to my wife, "OK, his name is Rocky and he's ours now", she looked at me like I was on crack. (I wasn't on crack.)

"Ten minutes ago you were going to shoot him" she said.

"I know," I said, "but I've decided to keep him instead."

Sometimes, you just have to pay it forward. Rocky, The Good Luck Squirrel, is so pleased, he's already bringing his sister around. I named her "Rowena, Sister Of Rocky", which is how I would like you to address her when you speak of her.

"I'm going to do a Facebook fan page for Rocky The Good Luck Squirrel," I told Vicki, who then rolled her eyes at me. And, so I did. Now, Rocky is a harbinger of good luck. We're trying to get him elevated to a world wide Internet phenomenon. People who visit his page, become fans and leave comments are, of course, visited by good luck.

Now, a good number of people have told me that I have too much time on my hands, or that I have lost it, or that the things that come out of my mind are...(add expletive). But I'm having a good time with it. I no longer feel hostility when I see my squirrel at the bird feeder. I just say say hello. There are long moments when I do not think of Farrah, Michael, Billy, Al, and the inevitability of higher taxes via the doublespeak of being told my taxes would not go up.

Maybe I won't keel over as soon if I believe in Rocky The Good Luck Squirrel. Listen, you know what? A big, burly squirrel showed up at the feeder yesterday, for just a moment. He chased off Rocky and Rowena, Sister Of Rocky and when I went to the window to see him closer, he ran off, but not before I could see his sharp, yellow lower teeth. He is older, wiser, warier and kind of a bully. I named him Rodan The Barbarian.

Lemonade anyone?

Apologies Necessary

2009-06-29T14:52:00.003-05:00

I offer my sincere apologies for my neglect of this blog in the past month. I won't ramble on about my reasons, but I have been busy with a good deal of work...and maybe just a little lazy in the off hours.

To those who visit The Weary Wolf Journal often, thank you, and I look forward to writing for you again very soon.

Another Time...And I Was There

2009-06-08T14:32:00.002-05:00

Circa 1972...

It was a different time...the "Grindhouse" era. Movies were a reflection of the age. This one pairs a white bigot and a soul brother in a most unique way. And today, I look back and it makes me smile...and even laugh.

Sitting in a dark car with popcorn, in a drive-in, listening to the audio on a tinny little speaker while you laugh your ass off at The Thing With Two Heads...priceless.

Business Woes: A Letter From The Boss

2009-06-03T09:46:00.004-05:00

I rarely just regurgitate material I am forwarded and repost it, but I had to make an exception with this one. I'm not sure who penned this, but I owe him one for making me laugh. --CR

A LETTER FROM THE BOSS

"As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.

Since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change, I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic."

Oh, To Be A Thereminist

2009-06-03T09:03:00.007-05:00

When I was a kid and watched those cheesy old sci-fi movies, the ones that always had that weird, whiny instrument in the background, I wondered how they did that. Was it a singer? Nope. A violinist? Nope. Musical saw? Close, but nope. It was the invention a Russian inventor Leon Theremin (patented in 1928), who went on to be quite a virtuoso on his own instrument.

Taking the easy way out, here's the Wikipedia explanation of how the theremin operates:

"The theremin is unique among musical instruments in that it is played without physical contact. The musician stands in front of the instrument and moves his or her hands in the proximity of two metal antennas. The distance from one antenna determines frequency (pitch), and the distance from the other controls amplitude (volume). Most frequently, the right hand controls the pitch and the left controls the volume, although some performers reverse this arrangement.

The theremin uses the "heterodyne principle" to generate an audio signal. The instrument's circuitry includes two radio frequency oscillators. One oscillator operates at a fixed frequency. The frequency of the other oscillator is controlled by the performer's distance from the pitch control antenna. The performer's hand acts as the grounded plate (the performer's body being the connection to ground) of a variable capacitor in an L-C (inductance-capacitance) circuit. The difference between the frequencies of the two oscillators at each moment allows the creation of a difference tone in the audio frequency range, resulting in audio signals that are amplified and sent to a loudspeaker.

To control volume, the performer's other hand acts as the grounded plate of another variable capacitor. In this case, the capacitor detunes another oscillator, which affects the amplifier circuit. The distance between the performer's hand and the volume control antenna determines the capacitor's value, which regulates the theremin's volume."

Ok...got it? I want one.

I know that many of you never knew this instrument existed in the first place, but believe it or not, there are a good number of thereminists out there and Youtube proves it. Since nothing beats the old "seeing is believing" principle, I would invite you to check out some of the amazing stuff that has been posted there by contemporary theremin players.

As for me, I'll share with you just a few important videos. First the man himself, Leon Theremin:

Get the Kleenex, because next, here is the great virtuoso thereminist, Clara Rockmore, playing The Swan from The Carnival Of The Animals. :

On a more contemporary note, here is Carolina Eyck's take on Sting:

And finally, if you haven't yet had your fill and really want to settle back and watch Carolina Eyck at her formal best, here you go...get yourself a beverage and enjoy.

Oh, to be a thereminist.

Comfort Food: Chicken Gizzards

2009-06-01T16:20:00.009-05:00

When I was a kid, my dad frequently made war on the grocery bills by making gizzards and rice. (Gizzards and liver were two of the things that were dirt cheap because no one wanted them. We ate both...with some frequency.) My dad would do up gizzards in a gravy until they were melt-in-your-mouth tender and serve them over piping hot rice. I loved that dish, mostly because it was so delicious and flavorful. Today, I ran across some lowly gizzards in the market and got an instant hankering to taste that memory.

It seems funny to me that there are more than a few people who dismiss these "nasty bits", as Tony Bourdain would call them. Given the swill we put into ourselves and our kids, as evidenced by the ingredient list on processed foods, you can't get a whole lot healthier or better than chicken gizzards. They are a high protein, low fat tidbit, and jam packed with chickeny flavor.

Gizzards do need a long, slow cooking to bend them to our will and make them mouth-wateringly tender. One could do this in a slow cooker, to be sure. However, I prefer to use metal, brown them, and then use all that stuff left in the pan to add more flavor to them. Bourdain, I hope, would be proud.

Chicken Gizzards

2 to 3 lbs chicken gizzards
Canola or grape seed oil
Salt and pepper
Red pepper flakes
12 cloves of garlic whole but smashed
Boxed chicken broth
1 large onion, sliced thin
A large pan cover or skillet lid

Heat some oil in a large wok, say, quarter of a cup. Add gizzards, season with salt and pepper and some red pepper flakes, and brown at high medium-heat allowing a nice fond to form in the wok. (In other words, let these “nasty bits” form “brown bits” in the wok.) Once all that flavor is formed, add the garlic and fold a few minutes, not allowing the garlic to burn. Add some broth, but not quite enough to cover the gizzards.

Find your largest pan lid and cover the mixture, reduce heat to low and simmer until the gizzards are very tender, about two hours. Check them occasionally to make sure the liquid isn’t all gone. If it gets low, add a little more. Use a wooden spoon to scrape all the brown bits into the mixture.

Once tender, cover them with sliced onions , put the lid back on and simmer another 30 minutes, until the onions are tender and luscious. Stir together.

The gizzards will be packed with flavor and tender as a loin. At this point, you can make a small slurry by shaking up a few tablespoons of flour with a little milk in a container, add to the mixture, bring to a boil and make a gravy. Add a little more stock if necessary. Serve them over rice or noodles.

Or, you can simmer uncovered until most of the liquid is evaporated and then add bamboo shoots, ginger and some black bean sauce and cook the mixture a little longer, eventually serving them with rice or rice noodles, garnished with some fresh cilantro.

Mr. Secretary, Sir

2009-05-29T09:48:00.020-05:00

So, a few weeks ago I got a phone call from Renita at the Village Offices.

"Do you think," she asked, "in the interest of diversity, that Vicki would be interested in being on the Park Board?" What an odd, even curious question, I thought. Why would they ask my wife to join the Park Board?

"Well, I don't know," I responded. "You would have to ask her, I guess. I can tell you that she works an awfully long work week."

"Oh," whispered Renita, "Well, what about you? We know you love the park!" And, suddenly the light bulb appeared above my head. Yes, I do love the park, and so does Merle, my wonder dog, and a good many months ago I wrote a very angry open letter to the local butt-heads that weren't cleaning up after their dogs in the park, because the Village Board was discussing banning dogs in the park altogether. The letter was published in the Westby Times, our local eight-page newspaper. Well, in a town of just over 700 people like Coon Valley, everyone read it. People are still commenting on it when I run into them. It's like that ongoing gag in the movie Jerry Maguire..."Loved your memo..." I think what people really liked was that someone had the passion to get mad and write a letter in the first place. To my beloved Scandinavian-blooded neighbors, that's pretty gutsy, ya, you bet.

So, clarity stood naked before me. My name had obviously been kicked around and this was someone's way of asking me to serve, and I was naturally reluctant.

"Well, if being on the Park Board means small town politics and back-biting and losing friends, probably not. If it means helping to raise money and appropriate funds and make good decisions for the benefit of the park, maybe I would be." That's what I told Renita.

To be honest, my past experiences with being on committees have never been my greatest memories. It seems that things inevitably devolve into opposing factions, civility begins to teeter, and sooner or later, you lose a friend or two. Worse yet, I hate the frustration of being told that my opinion is valued, but then when I do make my suggestions, no one gives them a second thought. That's when I find myself asking...so, why exactly am I here?

I added, "Why don't you let me think it over. I'll drop by in the morning and we'll talk more. I'll bring some questions, maybe take a look at the budget and such."

"Well, the thing is..." she appealed, "they're voting tonight on new members."

"Whoa! That's a little twelfth hour, don't you think?" I said, feeling a little railroaded. "Merle and I will stop over tomorrow and we'll discuss it further."

Next morning Merle and I did just that. I looked over the minutes from the previous meeting and asked questions regarding how much money the park generates, what the village charges for and doesn't, whether there was a local garden club, and a variety of other issues. I was briefed on who loved the park and who didn't. Yes, there are folks who are completely against it, never use it, and wish it had never been created. Some of the park budget is generated from property taxes, and therein lies the aversion. (I, of course, being a Libertarian thinker, am a great believer in raising money through the private sector and relying as little as possible on taxes whenever possible.) Finally, glasses barely hanging on the end of my nose, I said, "Well...I don't know."

Renita answered, "Well, they voted you in last night, just in case you say yes."

Now that, my friends, is one hundred percent small town USA. And so, I agreed to give it a couple of meetings to see how things would go. A few nights ago, I found myself at my first meeting, one of two new members. Naturally, the first order of business was election of officers and because there was no other option, so it seemed, I was quickly elected secretary and given a steno pad to take down the minutes. I couldn't help but wonder what I was getting myself into.

Oh, it was all OK. Nice bunch of folks...there for the benefit of a very beautiful park. As we angled our way through the agenda, I was struck by the personality of it all. It was so quintessentially small town. The budget is expectedly minuscule. We spent $100 to buy flowers at cost. Discussions arose about raising the camping donation a little higher than $5 a night, and charging a whopping $15 per hour for use of the ball field lights, virtually the only thing we charge for using our state-of-the-art baseball field, because it is a direct, out-of-pocket expense. We need an estimate for repairs on shelter #3. Normal stuff on a small scale, as park decisions go.

I couldn't help but think of how different it must be on a Parks And Recreations Board of some place like...Chicago, or even St. Paul. Here we were, six people talking about leveling a spot for an upcoming horse pull, while Chicago and its (no doubt) much larger budget was probably addressing gang violence and graffiti abatement, and a plethora of other issues that just don't come up in a town of 700 people.

And, the beautiful thing is, we really do have an exceptional park. If you look around the county, or farther, at municipal parks, none can top ours. We have the best ball field around. We have a third of a mile long, blacktopped walk path loop which crosses Coon Creek's lovely trout water twice and is the only handicapped (wheelchair) accessible trout stream in the state, I think. Tennis court, basketball court, playground equipment for the little ones, gazebo, shelters, benches, and a lot of beautiful, green grass and shade trees. It's free to us all, and dogs are still welcome. To make it easy for the public to clean up after their pooch, we even supply free bags with instructions and plenty of trash receptacles for instant disposal.

OK, I suppose I am feeling pretty proud of our little park. I guess the Park Board was maybe a good fit for me, but we'll see over time how that all feels. As for today, I'm thinking about strategies to raise money via the private sector, and maybe organizing a flower, tree and hosta drive. Advertising in exchange for a grant, anyone? Kids sell pizzas and popcorn and candy to raise money...can't we? How about a benefit concert? And, I'd like to figure out how to rekindle the Garden Club, consisting largely of the waning older generation, and inject some folks from the next few generations who might bring their energy and love into that park.

Oh Lord...listen to me. It looks like I'm knee deep in it now.

Note: Minutes from the Park Board meetings are, in fact, a matter of public record, as they should be. In an effort to demonstrate the quaint personality of my little town, I have posted the minutes from our last meeting for you to see. If you choose to read through them, don't expect to be entertained in the same way that you would seeing a Hollywood blockbuster...but do imagine the difference between what you see versus the minutes from say, Chicago's most recent board meeting. Ours will no doubt feel even a little more "Mayberry" than some might have expected. I have to say, I like that.

View the exciting Minutes from the May 27, 2009
Coon Valley Park Board Meeting!

Porcupine's Dead Mint Club

2009-05-27T13:44:00.004-05:00

Today, I wanted to make sure you all were told about my friends and their newest video. Behold, the fantastic LaCrosse based band, Porcupine, which I have written about before. This is their latest work of brilliance, Dead Mint Club.

I didn't post this because they're my friends, I posted it because they are such an amazing, unique band. To purchase their latest CD, The Trouble With You (on which Dead Mint Club appears), and I highly recommend you do, go to:

The Trouble With You

Once

2009-05-23T13:33:00.002-05:00

For those of you who may have missed the quiet little film Once, know that every now and again a true gem is unearthed, and this time, it is a gift to us all. This is a precious story of friendship born of music. I love a lot of films, but few make me feel the way this one did. Here, the award-winning song, Falling Slowly, from the soundtrack.

Remembering The Mother Lode

2009-05-17T09:03:00.011-05:00

When I was a young man and wide-eyed, and a poor working musician, I lived for a while in a drafty little farm house on the ridge outside of Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin with my music partner Gary Powell. We called our musical duo Gran Grae and we called the house The Rock, in honor of one of our favorite bands, the Ozark Mountain Daredevils, which had a song we loved called Standing On The Rock.

We were young musicians on a voyage of musical discovery, and the house was filled with music and instruments and the stuff of dreams. Each of us had a dog. We spent a good deal of time picking apart the records of Doc Watson, Norman Blake, Duck Baker, R Crumb, and so many others. We had also discovered recordings from the Library Of Congress and were turning ever more toward traditional and ethnic styles of folk music. And, we wrote songs.

Times at The Rock were mixed. No two friends ever loved one another more than, or felt such a bond as Gary and I. We were brothers. And, like brothers we laughed and cried and argued and agreed and disagreed on things. Some moments were blissful, others tense. We often told people that it was like being married without the sex. We still laugh together about that. Later in life I went on to stand as the best man at his wedding, and he stood as mine when I tied the knot.

Oh, there are many fine memories from those days at The Rock, but one stands out pleasantly from the lot. I was reminded of it this week, as the mushroom season is upon us. Gary made a regular practice of walking the woods in the mornings with his dog and one sunny spring morning he returned to house, where as I recall, I was on my first cup of coffee. He had found the morel mother lode, he said.

Now, when one thinks of a mushroom mother lode, one thinks...great, one can always appreciate and use a few pounds of delicious once-a-year fresh morels! So, we grabbed some trash bags and returned to his honey hole. Sweet Lord! The spot was bursting with gigantic morel mushrooms and we filled two huge bags before returning to the house to clean and butter fry the first batch. We stuffed them in our craws with reckless abandon, rolling our eyes back and groaning in culinary satisfaction like Bill Murray's character, Bob Wiley, at Dr. Leo Marvin's dinner table in "What About Bob?"

I seem to recall that there were over twenty pounds of mushrooms in that haul, all jammed into our decrepit, elderly fridge. It was like finding gold. We ate mushrooms with every meal for days. Sometimes all we ate for a meal was mushrooms.

It's been almost thirty years since that amazing morning when Gary returned to The Rock with the gleeful news of his woodland discovery, and I have never enjoyed such an experience since. I long to stumble upon such treasure again someday so I can call up Gary and say, "I have something for you. Gonna be home tomorrow?"

Onion Radio: Bluegrass Players At It Again

2009-05-13T13:07:00.003-05:00

Something just for fun from our greatest news source, The Onion...

Comfort Food: Morel And Orange Lentil Soup

2009-05-13T08:43:00.003-05:00

This time of year is morel season around here. It's a small window of harvest time for the coveted, succulent, culinary king of the mushroom world. The most common way of serving morels is to just pan fry them in a little butter and park them next to or over top of a good steak.

And, I have a powerful love for that simplicity.

However, there are many ways to enjoy morels and a few years ago, having missed the harvest window, I was faced with one little bag of mushrooms that were given to me. They would have made a fine breakfast with eggs, but I wanted to stretch them out so the whole family could enjoy a taste of them. That's where this recipe was born. Enjoy!

Morel And Orange Lentil Soup

½ lb fresh morel mushrooms, cleaned and cut in half or smaller
1 ½ cups orange lentils
water
2 cups chicken broth
1 head roasted garlic
3 T butter
½ cup cooking sherry
salt and pepper

Cover the lentils with water, bring to a boil and cook until tender. Remove garlic cloves from head. Add stock, butter, sherry, garlic and simmer briefly to blend flavors. Salt and pepper to taste. Puree with stick blender. Add mushrooms and bring to a low boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15 to 20 minutes.

Killer rich and good.

The Curious Definition For Music Therapy

2009-05-04T20:39:00.030-05:00

I have previously written about Unity House For Women, a place where Merle and I have enjoyed a few adventurous visits. I have friends on staff at Unity House, a facility that specializes in addiction rehabilitation, and they are good friends.

Unity house sends me a guitar student or two every week, recovering residents they feel would benefit from activities like studying an instrument or learning a few favorite songs. I am often able to make a strong connection with these women, encouraging them to let go and enjoy making music at whatever level they happen to be at. Sometimes, it even changes them.

A few weeks ago, my friend Kay asked if Merle and I might make available a few hours weekly to come to Unity House as a sort of "therapy team".

Before I go any further here, I want to be perfectly clear on two things. First, I am in no way an accredited, educated, music therapist with a degree and a membership to some national organization with an acronym, and I don't claim to be one. I do not claim to be able to prescribe music as a treatment to a patient based upon my analysis of a medical or psychiatric profile. Second, Merle is not a registered therapy dog with a fancy bandanna that says "pet me". We are just who we are, a guy who teaches music and his gentle, albeit smart dog.

Kay and I once talked, before I was presented with this flattering possibility of being part of the Unity House team, and I revealed my own background. As a kid, I told her, I was never into sports. I just wanted to get home, get off the school bus and go in my room and play. I never had lessons and my parents never had to say "have you practiced today?" I was simply driven to play, and to write. I began writing sophomoric songs not long after picking up my father's Arthur Godfrey baritone ukulele. And in fact, that is so much of what I am...a creation junkie. All of my life, whatever instrument I have put in my hands or lap, I have always wanted to create music that was my own...to compose, and to say something.

Kay maintains this is evidence that I understand the therapeutic value of music...and that I have been using music as my own therapy since childhood. Hmmm...I think I get that, and I think she may just be right. I have always wanted to create music that was my own...to cope, to calm, to comment, to let off steam, to pour out love, hate, frustration, euphoria...to shape my corner of the human condition.

After years of teaching music to students of all ages, I do know that there are those who come as a form of therapy. There are also some that are less interested in being a good musician than they are being in an environment where they can talk about music, or life, with someone...while working toward a simpler goal, like learning some guitar chords and how those chords work together.

Unity House already puts aside weekly time for something they consider music therapy. These activities include, but are not restricted to, listening to music and analyzing lyrics, discussing songs that reflect mood or might trigger relapse, writing songs, singing together, drum circles and many other worthy and likely therapeutic things. All of these are activities I can help with and guide them through. My friends on staff simply want me to come and be myself, just as if I was teaching them in a class, or individually. Merle is just an extra...he wanders around and they get to lower their blood pressure by petting him. (It's like... "But wait! That's Not all! Order the Clay Riness Music Therapy Activities Package today and we'll throw in a gentle, therapeutic dog...absolutely free!" And, I must say, it does beat the hell out of a Chia Pet, as free stuff goes.)

So, off to Unity House we went today, guitar in tow. There will be much to learn for me. We started by just getting acquainted, my asking everyone their name and what kind of music they liked and disliked. I asked if they were comfortable talking about their addictions and treatment, making sure they knew they didn't have to tell me anything unless they felt at ease. Not surprisingly, these women were very open, very willing to state fact and feelings. And, it didn't take long at all until I felt quite at home talking with them.

We enjoyed a good variety of musical discussion and then some music together. I sang one of my most valuable musical comfort foods for them, Can't Go back Again, a song written by my old friend Raldo Schneider, and a song, I think, particularly suited for their situation. A good, positive message of hope.

I wanted to teach them a round, and chose a favorite song I've known for decades, a paraphrasing from Psalms 137:1, By The Waters Of Babylon which when sung properly, brings tears to me with its haunting harmonies. They did pretty well, although we resolved to give them a week and sing it again next time when they've had a better chance to really get to know the song.

I will confess, the concept of a drum circle sounded a little silly to me at first, but it was clear that these women loved the drumming, and were eager to move forward and begin the "beat down", so we all grabbed an ethnic drum of some type and I began to teach them about my concept of the "inner music ninja" we are all born with, that spirit which motivates us unconsciously to tap our foot to a rhythm, or bob our head to a beat. Then, I would start a rhythm pattern slowly and they would all find their way into it and we would become one pulsing force. Some of them would close their eyes and sway to the musicality of it, and some would simply watch the others as they concentrated on fitting in.

At one point, with the drums rattling the windows to a beat something like you might find in a King Kong movie remake, I burst into singing the theme from Gilligan's Island, which cracked everyone up, but as I suspected, each and every one of them knew it and we all sang it, start to finish, smiling and laughing our way through to the end. You could sense the stress being peeled away, verse to verse.

Then, we went around the room to see if there were any song requests, which I might fake my way through on the guitar, and we found our way into Me And Bobby McGee and a few other tidbits.

I don't know. None of it changed the axis of the earth. None of it found the answer to world peace. None of it was worthy of a Nobel Prize. But, everyone said thank you, and asked if I was coming back, and I said yes I would if they would have me. One woman, slated for discharge tomorrow, asked if she could come back next week anyway...maybe bring her kids, who loved music. Of course, I said. And when I asked them if they had had some fun, they all responded with a heart stopping...YES!

So...this is a little glimpse into my world of music therapy? Helping others to know that making music can be fun and social and inspiring? And, that you don't have to be great at something to take joy from it? I guess I have been teaching that for years now. This was just a very special group of very special people who made me feel, despite my lack of framed paper hanging on an office wall, that God may have put me here to be more than just a self-centered singer and songwriter looking for affirmation by getting on a stage and waiting for someone to clap for him. Maybe, I can help facilitate some comfort, change and strength in them as Merle and I make our weekly visits. Who knows?

I guess I am just a guy who teaches music and brings his gentle, albeit smart dog along...but today, that means a little more to me than it did yesterday.

Light The Candles, Daughter

2009-04-28T10:11:00.032-05:00

I remember almost fourteen years ago when Vicki awakened me after another trip to the rest room in the middle of the night. Groggy, I rolled over only to hear her say, "Honey, I'm pregnant." I offered no reaction. I just rolled back over and went back to sleep. Thus began a number of weeks of deep, dark depression, as shock set in after the fact. Late thirties and another baby? Just what I needed, five or six more years of being a house husband. We just got the first one into school, for Pete's sake.

And, she came along into our world less than a year later, the little one we named after my grandmother, Grace. I had seen my son born six years earlier, right there before my eyes, and that was certainly an earth-shattering, life-changing thing. Instant tears. Grace's debut was different. Vicki was in much more discomfort, the labor was longer, and with all the blood and screaming and looks of sheer hatred for me in her bloodshot eyes...I resolved that I would never again view another delivery, unless it was faked on TV. At that moment, I thought it possible I would never be allowed any pleasures of the flesh ever again.

So there we were again, raising up a little baby. To be sure, there are endless joys in that. She was a very happy baby, and cute as a little button. I called her my Puddin ' Cup. As she got to be a toddler, and then a two year old and so on, and I took her everywhere. She went with me to the office and took willing naps on the floor on a blanket when the hour came due. While working a short stint as a real estate agent, I schlepped her with me, sitting her high atop my shoulders, as we hiked hills and showed vacant land and other rural properties. One fellow even told me that he bought his little piece of land because he knew he could trust a man who took his daughter with him into the woods and up the hills.

Then, I found our dream property and both Grace and Cole were there as we camped at first, and I would catch little trout on a wee flyrod and let Grace reel them in. Cole was usually busy shooting pop cans. Then, we built our cabin from the ground up. She was three during construction.

After construction was relatively complete, I took her to the cabin for an overnighter, just the two of us. When dusk came, I began to light candles using a butane lighter and she asked, in her diminutive, fairy-like voice, "Dad, will I ever be able to light the candles?"

"Yes daughter, one day you will be able to light the candles, when you are older, and big enough to work one of these safely", I said, holding out the Bic for her to see. "I'll tell you when you are a big enough girl."

We played dominoes, or tiddlywinks or some kind of dice game and then went to bed, snuggling up in the loft bed, she in her jammies and me in mine, and I remember how it felt to be snug in my cabin with my little golden-haired daughter, and how laughable it was that I had ever considered that having her in my life would somehow be a burden. I was reminded that she was one of my most profound blessings.

I went home and composed a fiddle tune, an Irish style double jig in G minor, which I entitled "Light The Candles, Daughter", but it wasn't the only thing I would write for her.

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Light The Candles, Daughter

Not long after, I went to the cabin on a gorgeous day in May when the spring was in full swing, resplendent with the blossoms and perfumes of the woods and songs of the birds, and I got to thinking about my Puddin' Cup while sitting on the porch swing, taking in the whole of it. I began to scribble some lyrics and before the night came I had written Bonnie Little Grace.

When I sang it for her, she came unglued with pride, shriveling up her tiny nose and smiling a smile that could have ended World War II by it's very nature, a smile made up of all things innocent, just, and good. The first time I performed the song in concert, I had all I could do to keep from losing it. And, Gracie sat in the audience, beaming like a lighthouse. It was her song.

Some years ago when she was still quite small, I had an idea for her birthday. I told her we would dress up to the hilt, and I would take her out on a daddy / daughter date. We would go to a restaurant of her choice, then to the mall where I would provide her with a little spending money and she could pick out a gift or two for herself. Finally, we would cap the date off with a movie together.

So, we put on our Sunday's best and made off for her favorite Chinese place where I ate like a porcine-minded father and she pecked away at favorite tidbits like a little songbird. We laughed and talked and were the best dressed couple in the place, to be sure. Then, tagging her around the mall, watching her try to figure out just how she would spend thirty bucks proved entertaining for me and pretty magical for her. As I recall she made good use of the money and brought home a good grab bag of smaller items. Yes, that's my Grace...always hoarding the little stuff. And, we had a great time watching whichever kid rated movie was playing that weekend of that year, Robots, or something. I forget now. But, I do remember the day was sublime.

Of course, after all that pomp and culture and camaraderie and fun, we had to make it an annual birthday tradition.

It's been lovely watching her grow, and at times, a little frustrating. She's a bright, social butterfly of a girl, who loves little details...loves to arrange things into piles. For better or worse, that is. Because of her affection for stuff, her bedroom always has, and will continue to look something like Nagasaki. (Or, for those of you who know Star Trek Next Gen...I like to tell people her room looks like a Borg cube.) Like most kids, Gracie doesn't see disorder. Worse yet, a full day "cleaning" her room translates simply to moving stuff from one pile to another, and then cramming a bunch of stuff into a closet, out of sight, so that it resembles something like a cleaning...all while listening for the fiftieth time to Harry Potter on CD. Sound familiar? Give it up...we did. Let her husband try and change her someday.

A few years ago she took an interest in martial arts, and has been studying with a Master martial artist in the city. It's been terrific for her...and we see the change in how she carries herself and how she perceives herself. (Hey, doesn't martial arts include some rule about keeping one's room clean?) She loves music too, and loves to sing, and is pretty darn good at it. On the down side, she's "Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs" over these Harry Potter and Twilight books/movies...but I suppose that could be much worse, huh?

Part of our decision to search for a dog and subsequently bring Merle into our family was because Grace was anxious to start dog whispering. We had all become infatuated with Cesar Millan's show, The Dog Whisperer, on the National Geographic Channel, and she got it, this pack leadership thing. So did I. Yes, you ought to see that girl with that dog. If ever there was a Jr. Dog Whisperer award, she would certainly be given it. (Of course, anyone who follows my writing surely knows that Merle is a pretty exceptional dog, too, and now plays an important role in my "music therapy" services. Or, maybe it should be called music/dog therapy?)

Now it's time to drop the bomb. Dad to world: My bonnie little girl is turning thirteen today. A teenager. I can hardly believe how fast the time has gone by, and how she has changed into a young lady from that little bug of a Puddin' Cup.

When I look into her eyes, I can still see the little round-faced fairy she once was. I remember her, Binky firmly between her lips, walking to a blanket on the floor and laying down to be covered up when I would say, "time for nap, Puddin' Cup." I remember her bending over, fearless, to study a grass snake as it crossed our paths while walking the cabin road. I remember her kneeling down in the golden dandelions of a Kelly green May, leaning on my walking staff, to pluck one mustard-colored blossom and press it to her nose for a sniff of Spring.

And, I remember her in my favorite dress, a red, blue and green flannel hand-me-down that was too big for her at first, but that she outgrew over time. To this day, I cannot let the dress be put to into the Goodwill box, for it is a most powerful memory of the little girl that came to me unexpectedly, all those years ago, and became the one true daughter born to me, my bonnie little Grace.

Happy Birthday, my love.

Listen To Bonnie Little Grace:

Bonnie Little Grace
by
Clay Riness

Late one day in the bright month of May
when the hawthorn was blooming new,
I rode in by the song of the wren
and the skies were a dusky blue.
I thought back but a few years before
when a daughter was born to me.
And a prettier child you'll never know
and likely never see.

All made up in her best Sunday dress
with her thin, yellow hair pulled back,
Pink cheeks bloomed like a rose in the room
as she climbed into my old lap.
(In her) youthful way she would curl up and stay
with her head lain upon my chest,
(And I'd) hold her there so close to me,
the girl that I loved best.

Will she grow too fast? Will she be bright?
Will she sail the sea?
Will her love last? Will she win the good fight
and a lifelong victor be?
Will she stay brave? Will she bear a son
and keep that smile on her face?
She's the one true daughter born to me,
my bonnie little Grace.

(No) father can hide the stern sense of pride
as he watches his daughter grow.
(From a) babe to a child, a child to a girl,
then a young woman courting her beau.
Years fade away as the laughter and play
turn to work and to study and toil
(And a) strong young woman she'll become,
this bonnie little girl.

(When I'm) laid to rest and I've failed the last test
and the cold ground is covering me
I'll rest long for I know she's been strong
since the days she sat on my knee.
On she'll go with her memories in tow
of the days in our humble place.
(And she'll) know of me, I loved her so,
my bonnie little Grace.

Will she grow too fast? Will she be bright?
Will she sail the sea?
Will her love last? Will she win the good fight
and a lifelong victor be?
Will she stay brave? Will she bear a son
and keep that smile on her face?
She's the one true daughter born to me,
my bonnie little Grace.

4/8/02
Tuning DADGBE

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Bonnie Little Grace

Biorhythms

2009-04-22T12:30:00.008-05:00

I remember when we had our first little neophyte computer and one of the programs we loved was a little piece of software that calculated one's biorhythms. We were fascinated by it. You typed in your birth date and...like magic, it told you how you were doing that day.

With a little help from Wikipedia, here's an explanation of the theory:

"The theory of biorhythms claims that one's life is affected by rhythmic biological cycles, and seeks to make predictions regarding these cycles. These inherent rhythms are said to control or initiate various biological processes and are classically composed of three cyclic rhythms that are said to govern human behavior and demonstrate innate periodicity in natural physiological change: the physical, the emotional, and the intellectual (or mental) cycles. Others claim there are additional rhythms, some of which may be combinations of the three primary cycles. Some proponents think that biorhythms may be potentially related to bioelectricity and its interactions in the body.

The theory's basis lies in physiological and emotional cycles. They are often represented graphically as either symmetric or asymmetric waveforms, though most theories rely on symmetric forms. The most commonly used form is the sinusoidal waveform, which is thought to be a plausible representation of a bioelectric activity cycle. Due to this sinusoidal nature, the cyclical flow of bioelectric activity undergoes periodic reverses in direction. Each cycle oscillates between a positive phase [0%..100%] and a negative phase [-100%..0%], during which bioelectric activity strengthens and weakens. The waveforms start, in most theories, at the neutral baseline (0%) at the time of birth of each individual. Each day that the waveform again crosses this baseline is dubbed a critical day, which means that tasks in the domain of the cycle are far more erratic than on other non-critical days. The purpose of mapping the biorhythmic cycles is to enable the calculation of critical days for performing or avoiding various activities.

The classical definition (derivatives of the original theory exist) states that one's birth is an unfavorable circumstantial event, as is the day about 58 years later when the three cycles are again synchronized at their minimum values. According to the classical definition, the theory is assumed to apply only to humans. In the classical theory, the value of each cycle can be calculated at any given time in the life of an individual, and there are web sites that do exactly that."

Wow. OK...that sounds pretty serious, even scientific. The truth is, it is only a theory, and carries about as much weight as a fortune cookie. But, I have to say, it's always interesting to look at your biorhythms and say...

"Wow, I am kind of an emotional wreck today, aren't I?"

Or...

"If I'm at my highest physical form today, how come I feel like a nap?"

Or...

"Hey! All three of my biorhythms are peaking today! I am the sexiest I can possibly be! I am an intellectual, emotional, physical stud! Uh...how come my wife isn't tearing my clothes off in a biorhythm-induced frenzy?"

It's important to note that your biorhythms are probably more a curiosity, and a novelty. You can place great weight onto them if you like, but my advice is to just keep them in their rightful place. That would be squarely in the category of...fun.

I did find a wonderful, free download last year which is quite an upgrade form the early biorhythm calculator we were so fascinated with. Go ahead. Download it to your Windows machine and have a little fun.

Download Free Biorhythm Calculator for Windows!